Indescribable!

Today has been such a wonderful day. I have really been in a mood over the last few weeks. I know that I had been in one but one of my dear IRL friends of which shall remain nameless really reminded me of my attitude a few days ago. I have been what you call “belly-aching" about a certain situation. I have played the what-if game and have worried and gone on and on! I wonder sometimes why the LORD puts up with me. Oh, I know he loves me! Sometimes though I know that the LORD says CHILD, just be quiet and trust me! I do not even want to even think about the situation that has had me overwhelmed. Why you ask because I have been focusing on the situation instead of who MY GOD is. He has done so much in my life. I have so much to be thankful for from my health, family, and so on but what I thank him for is that I have eternal life forever because of the precious gift that he gave. I watched a video this past week called indescribable. In addition, it was so awesome. Went into details about how many light-years other galaxies area and well it was beyond my blonde brain. I was brought to my knees because I was reminded again, of how BIG my GOD is. He created the world into existence. By him just speaking the words, LET THERE be light and well there was. He was the WORD called flesh that dwelt among us. He sent his son to a virgin by which the world could be saved. He was GOD and yet fully man. HE died for my sin! He has all power. He created every living thing and thinking of how the human body works. It is so awesome! I have been so been so low emotionally because I have been focusing on the situation instead of who GOD is. Even though GOD is changing me repeatedly does not mean that this present situation has changed. However, what has changed is this. I choose to trust him. I will obey him. I will praise him not for what GOD can do and will do but just for who he is.
That is why today has been so special. Oh, I have loved being with my family on this Christmas Day but I was reminded again not just of the story of Christmas but to know and believe that the story has gone on in my life and that I have an intimate relationship with GOD is more than I can even say. Again, I am so thankful for so much. I am loved much and for that, I am grateful. I can say this. GOD is so good, his mercies are never ending. Thank you GOD for reminding me of who you are and who I am. I am your child, deeply loved, deeply thankful, and looking forward to what GOD has in store as I keep placing my trust in him. Even though I may not see what is in front of me but I DO KNOW in whom my faith and trust is in!
The greatest thing is this. the work that he began in me will be made complete and not until the day of his coming!

Waiting

This was sent to me this morning in m email and it so resonated in my heart today. Waiting..not seeing and still having faith.



While You Wait



The Old Testament ends with two commands from the prophet Malachi. He tells God’s people to remember: Remember that God has done great things for you. Then he tells them to believe: Believe God’s not through doing great things for you.

Remember. Moses, manna, water gushing from a rock, the Law written down by the finger of God on a mountaintop. Remember.

Believe. Believe that no matter how much darkness comes your way God will not abandon you, forget you. He will rescue. Believe.

Then the prophet put down his pen and for the next 400 years the Israelites changed hands from empire to empire. Syrians. Persians. Greeks. Romans.

400 years. Some have called them the “darkest” in Jewish history.

Why? The Jews had known this kind of poverty, persecution and powerlessness before.

Why were these years the darkest?

Because God was the quietest.

For 400 years not a syllable was spoken by God to his suffering children. No prophets. No miracles.

Nothing but darkness.

And waiting, remembering, believing.

Then, one night, an angel appeared to shepherds watching their flocks. And light shone all around them. And Heaven sent a message to earth.

Before songs of joy there were cries of sorrow. Before peace on earth there was conflict. Before healing came hurt. Before the Light of the World there was darkness. Before the Word became flesh God was silent.

Wait. Remember all the great things God has done in your life. Believe that He’s not through doing them.

Wait. Your star will come.

Christmas and a whole bunch of stuff!

I am amazed of this present journey that I am on with the LORD and I! Its been one of drama, prayer, and a time in my life that I am thankful for on so many levels. I am not really thankful for the situation that I am enduring right now but I am so thankful of the itimacy that I share with the LORD. Even penning those words that I.. blonde more than I care to be has a itimate relationship with the LORD GOD. Can you get your mind around it? Well, I can not! HE is more to me than I can really express. He is my GOD, the beginning the end! He is my only hope, my refuge.. my only strength upon which I stand! Things right now are very hard but then they are so good. There are days that are so difficult that I don't think I can stand another day of the present drama and then the LORD speaks so softly to me of which he says.. my CHILD I got it! And he does of which he is continuing to teach me over and over again. And no matter of our present trials and difficulties.. he has it!
Lately for me.. I have been so focused on the situation instead of looking to the LORD. Its like I can't see the forest because of the trees and day by day he is showing me his light thorough the trees and this is by his WORD and the time that I spend with him. He is doing a new thing in my heart of letting go and just trusting him. Is it easy? Uh. NO! But its so worth it. The journey is really what its all about. How it will all end up I have no idea but I know who is leading the way!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful blessed Christmas. I am ever reminded that this time is not what you get or what you don't get but the gift that the LORD GOD gave us if we will receive it and that is his SON. I am not a mother but I can hardly comprehend the thought that he gave his SON his only SON to pay the price for my sin so that I will have eternal life. So, lets focus on that. His gift to us and that is him. May I ever be thankful for all he has done. I am really focusing my heart and mind upon him.

What a gift

This year has been filled with so much. From some major losses like the home-coming of my grandaddy. I think of him every day. From the things he said and just the person he was. He was not a easy person to love at times. GOD used him in my life to show me so many things. For example, he professed his faith in Christ when he was 80 years old. He had lived a hard life on so many areas. He was prayed for by so many people. Some may had thought that he had been forgotten when their prayer was not being answered. I know cause I had many of those thoughts. I can not tell what joy it brought to my heart knowing that he had professed his faith in Christ.
You know those things that you think was the worse that could happen was actually what was so the thing that really got you into a life that was never the same? Well.. that is where I am at today. Have had some major things in my personal life to deal with and with those that i love. It has brought me to my knees and feeling i total despair but I was never without hope. I can tell you that the LORD's presence is so close sometimes that it takes my breath away. That is the greatest gift of all.. OH I am still on my knees and still praying. Don't have the answer yet but I can tell you that I will never be the same. And that is the greatest gift.

What to say

I am so reminded today of how Satan can use my emotions to distract me. My emotions can well lie and be a way that Satan can get my focus off what it should be. However, today I had a little victory in this area for the LORD is teaching me so much during this time in my life. GOD is really teaching me to just trust him. Sounds easy.. Well now but there is no other way for me. Something that has helped me is to just praise the LORD not based upon my feelings or how things appear but just for who he is! I been just thanking GOD for who he is and not on what he has done for me. Now I am grateful for all that he has done but sometimes I think we can go before the LORD and just pray like he is our big Sugar Daddy! I mean no disrespect. For me, i tell him my needs and how he needs to fix them. GOD has really convicted my heart about this. He knows my needs and I tell him but I am really focusing on just who he is. Today, I have just thought of that he is my Redeemer! Now that is a thought! So for the next few moments.. Just think and mediate on who GOD is and not what he has done! WHO GOD is Great! He is worthy of our praise!
Just because I praise the LORD for who he is does not mean that things are easy but without him I would be in the pit deeper than I can ever dig! I thank him for this time in my life. It has caused me to be on my knees before him, seeking him. As I seek him, I will find him. I am finding him more and more each day and I am thankful for his presence and faithfulness to me. May he always find me faithful!
Blessings to all! Love to you all.

What I know is this...

Ever wonder when you look back on your life and see God's hand in so many things?? I think back on some of the most difficult times of my life and at that time I could not see GOD's hand in the situation. These last few years have been very difficult for my family and those that I love dearly. You know those struggles and difficulties that could destroy well THEY HAVE not! I am learning so much right now. Something that hit my heart tonight as I was chatting with a dear friend of mine is this.. Satan can not have me but he can sure distract me! Boy that has been my heart the last few months especially. I have been so upset and distracted. This present situation is beyond describing or even beyond discussing in the venue. But I am not without hope! Oh yea looking at it with my eyes is overwhelming but a conversation that I had with a dear friend of mine was this.. What do you really know? Well there is not alot that I know about life. I know that life is hard but I do KNOW that GOD is always good. His ways is always best. He does not cause hardships but he allows them so that the thing or things that needs to be refined out of my life. Now those are such hard words to even say or type. But I have finally learning that this is the place that I am at in my life right now. But what I can be so thankful is this.. GOD IS still working in me. He is always refining me. I want to be more like him than I was today. I want my actions and reactions to bring him glory. I only want him. I fail him and I don't act like I should sometimes. I react instead of praying. I look at the situaiton instead of trusting him to work things out. So, I am not there or have I ever claimed to be. But tonight I am thankful for so much. I am loved, cherished, by the LORD GOD almighty!
Finally.. Today I was at the gym and I had my MP3 player while I was on a step machine and the LORD spoke so clearly to me. Said something like this.. You and I are on this journey together.. Its hard but its going to be all right. Do the thing, stay in the WORD. Just trust me. No matter what people say, I am exactly who I say that I am. Those words.. its going to be all right. I just about cried when I was on the machine because i never sensed his presence so strong. He is good, he is awesome, and I am grateful that he is my Saviour, my Redeemer.. My all in all!

Being real

Being real and authentic is something that I feel so passionate about. Its been my mantra for some time. However, being real is something that hit me right in between the eyes over the last few days. I have been convicted of being covetous. Me, Laura, no way! But oh yes, I am not perfect. Don't want to let anyone down. Here is the situation.. I have lost over 100 pounds and have another 70 pounds to loose. I am so grateful that the LORD has given me the strength to do so. However, I have found myself looking at what other women and what they wear, how they look, and so on. Then having thoughts of how do others look at me at. Then I just have to tell myself to just SHUT up! The LORD has really been speaking to me about what I think about and my thought life. I have been so convicted about this over the last few days. So that is where I am at. Still struggling, still living the life, and grateful that the LORD is still working in me. I don't always like what he has to say but I am always seeking him and wanting to be what he wants me to be. Not there, but always striving. So this is me being real.. Its hard to be real sometimes but GOD calls me to be real before him. I don't necessarily have to lay out what is going out for all to know but the LORD knows my heart and he loves me in spite of myself. For that I am so grateful.
So whatever I think.. I want to bring him glory.. He is still working on me, to make me what I ought to be.. I aint there and won't be until I see my LORD in glory. GOD is so good..I love him.

Thankful

Thanksgiving Day is in a few days and I have mixed emotions tonight. I am thankful for so much for my family, my friends, my salvation, and the life that GOD has given me in which to live. During the last few years, my family has had some difficulties just as many other families have. However, I am reminded again tonight of the LORD has been with us thorough these times better than I can ever explain. We are still in the midst of some issues.. But something that GOD is teaching me and I haven't gotten this truth is to just trust him. Not based on what I feel but simply on who GOD is. I so want to be there but not there right now. Then reading my blog as I type I am reminded how sometimes all I think about is me, me, and me again. Oh that I pray that GOD would change my mindset. Everything is not about me!!
I have thought about the journey that the LORD and I have been on over the last few years and it is simply amazing. I have been places with the LORD and those that I love that I never thought was possible. I am overcome tonight for I am so seeking the LORD in the way that I should go in a certain situation. He hasn't given me clear direction yet but I am determined to keep my eyes on him. Sometimes I have no idea in which to go.. Looking at the big picture sometimes helps but I have determined in my heart to just trust him. Not based upon what I feel or even what I see. I place my total trust in him. He is faithful and he has always met my needs.
So, may this time with our family and loved ones not be about food but being thankful for how blessed we are. Even if things aren't what I want them to be, I will still praise him!

I love music and it speaks of my heart sometimes and may these words minister to you..

You are still by Kari Jobe

Holy.. You are still holy.. Even when the darkness surround my life
Soverign you are still soverign even when confusion has blinded my eyes
Lord I don't deserve your kind affection when my unbelief has kept me from your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
of your love...

So I come into your chambers and I dance your feet LORD
You are my Saviour and I'm at your mercy
All that has been in life up to now
It belongs to you..You are still holy

Holy..you are still holy even when I don't understand your ways
Soverign you are still soverign even when my circustance don't change
LORD I don't deserve your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from your truth
I want my life to be a pure devotion to you..

That cavern in my soul

When I think of all that GOD has taught me in the last few months it is this.. He is enough, he is all I need. The last few years for me have been very difficult on alot of levels. It began with the passing of my Aunt June in 2006, my grandma being diagnosed with cancer in 2007, as well as many other personal stuff too. That really is not the reason of this post. The LORD and I have been through so much. He has been with me every part of the way. There are things that no one knows about but him and I. I like it that way. Its always been him and me. I don't have the husband or children to lean upon and my relationship with the LORD is all I have. He is my Saviour, my Redeemer, and my everything. Now I have family and friends who love me dearly and who I love. But the only thing that can fill that empty place in my soul is found in Jesus Christ alone. He is right there when I awake in the middle of the night with tears flowing down my face. He knows the deep and hidden pains of my heart.
I am not complaining about being single cause I very content of where I am at right now. My life focus right now is this... Jesus is my everything. He is my redeemer. He is the very breath that I breathe! I love him, I praise him. Right now, this time in my life right now is very difficult. It is full of great uncertanity and well that is ok. Now the situation is not something that I am enjoying right now but GOD is so real to me in a way that I can't even express. I see his hand working in areas that I never thought would ever come to be.
So I am thankful for so much in my life tonight. Thankful not just from where GOD has brought me from. He has brought me out of the pit but he has brought me to this life that I never thought was possible. So I praise him, I adore him. He is my Redeemer!

Psalm 62:1-2, " My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

Some stuff

Ok.. I have something so neat to share. Things in my personal life are still what they are but I am trying to just keep my eyes on the LORD. I have already failed at that today. You know when you get that call and you know that it is not good. But the LORD and I talked it out 1st. He knows the whole situation anyway. He can see the end and out of it before I can ever comprehend. But this morning I had such a great time with the LORD, just him and me. Have alot on my heart and just had to get on my face before him. You just know those times that you have to get something off your chest. Instead of talking it with my dear friends I just had to talk to the LORD about it. Are things different? No but there is a peace beginning in my heart. Do I like this present situation? No. But do I trust my GOD? Oh yea. Some may ask why? Well I have only one answer but he is ALWAYS faithful. Simply that is it. There are some major decisions in my life ahead of me but what I know is this... My GOD is bigger than anything! This present issue in my life is really overwhelming at times but GOD is always teaching me to keep my mind on him. It aint easy sometime but really all I can do is to just keep my eyes and heart on him.

Psalm 112
Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,who finds great delight in his commands.His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Surely he will never be shaken;a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor.The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

True Freedom

Just wanted to say of how much I am so thankful for our veterans! My grandfather was a veteran and I think of him and the sacrifice he made as well as so many others! Then my mind goes to the freedom that Christ gives those who are willing to take it. I think alot of what GOD has saved me from and the freedom that I have in him. No condemnation but love. He did not set me free and save me for me to sit and do nothing. That is something that I have really been mediating upon lately. I get stuck in my own life and I have been reminded today to just get over myself. Oh yea things are hard right now but it won't last forever. Its not the end of the world. Last night the LORD and I had a talk, we talk alot and all the time. Aint GOD so good. Just sensing him tell me to 1st get over myself but then look to what this present situation is doing in my life. It has caused me to get on my knees and the closeness that the LORD and I share is something that I don't want ever to get over. So that is a blessing of this present time in my life. GOD has done so much... He has set me free from so much and I am so thankful not just for what he has saved me from but what he has saved me to.
Thanks to all my friends who have been so encouraging.. You know who you are.. I am reminded though that the only one that can fill that place is the LORD alone. GOD created a cavern in our souls to only be filled by him. When I don't.. things get ugly. I am thankful that he still takes me to the " whooping shed". Not because he doesn't love me but because he does. He still working on me, to make me what I ought to be! That work that he began won't be complete until I see him face to face. Oh I just praise him.

Unredeemed

Seeing those words unredeemed is something that my heart is feeling tonight. I am sorry for those who may not understand this post but this is where I am at tonight. I am at a place in my personal heart and life that is really so hard that words can even describe this time. I am not really free to talk about the specifics of it anyway and that is ok. Just reminded of how hard life is.. those feelings of hurt, deep wounds, tears that only my Father hears. Sometimes I feel like my world is falling apart and coming together at the same time. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone or not and this post may be for no-one but me but I just felt lead to pen these words. I at a place in my life that some major decisions are ahead for me and those that I love. Its a scary time I will tell you but my GOD is doing some great things that I don't even know about yet. Some decisions that have been made seem so huge and I can't even imagine. I can't " see" how its all going to work out but what I do know is this... that everything like the song below says that everything that is laid at the cross won't be unredeemed! Do you hear that? Those hurts, those decisions, responses, actions, words and just life stuff can and will be redeemed when i just lay it down at the cross.
So this is my heart tonight, I am open before the LORD. He knows my heart.. He hears my cry and he is there.


The cruelest world
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every lie that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the Father has in store
Just watch and see
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Comfort

Anyone needing comfort tonight? I know of so many people who are in pain both physically, emotionally, and spiritually tonight. Those who I love and hold dear to my heart are dealing with so much tonight. From physical illness to spiritual bondage. My heart has been so heavy for those that I love seem to be hurting right now. When someone I love hurts I hurt too. Just the way that GOD made me. But this reminded me of how much it must really hurt the LORD when we suffer and knowing it is for our good. Sometimes those hardships are not just for our good but for someone else's good. Now that does not make it easier by any means but sometimes for me to be reminded of that truth that when we are comforted by the LORD he really helps us in our time of trouble even when we don't see it at the time.
The word “comfort” means to stand beside a person, encouraging and helping him or her in a time of trouble. God supremely fulfills this role, for he sends his children the Holy Spirit for them. John 14:16 says Paul has learned in his many troubles that no suffering, however severe, can separate believers from the care and compassion of their heavenly father. Romans 8: 35-39 says, " Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Sometimes, God occasionally permits troubles in our lives in order that we, having experienced his comfort, may comfort others in troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:4 says, "who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God".

Praise the LORD!

Its been a while since I blogged for I spend alot of my time on facebook but my blog is so special to me. Its where I met so many special friends in my life. We have never met but we are bonded through Christ and that is so special. Those special friends know who you are. Your love and support to me is priceless.
Things for me have been busy as well as some personal struggles in my life but something that GOD is teaching me is that well he is my only strength, My only refuge. These present struggles are not mine anyway to handle but it involves someone in my life that really means alot to me. But that really is not the purpose of my blog tonight. What I want to say is this.. No matter what you are going thorough he is enough. Something that I heard my pastor say yesterday that has resonated with me today is that whatever happens from whatever is your stuff that you are dealing with Yet shall I praise him! Praise him not for the situation for I am not there yet but I praise him for he is my Almighty GOD. I will praise him no matter of how I may feel but I will praise him. As I type these words I think of the song Praise the LORD by Russ Taff enters my mind. Below you will see the lyrics so whatever is going on LETS PRAISE THE LORD!!

When you're up against a struggle that shatters all your dreams
And your hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan's manifested schemes
And you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith your standing in seem to disappear

Praise the Lord -- He will work for those who praise Him
Praise the Lord -- for our God inhabits praise
Praise the Lord -- for those chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you
That they dropped powerless behind you
When you praise Him

Now Satan is a liar and he wants to make us think
That we are paupers, but he knows himself we're children of the King
So lift up the mighty shield of faith, for the battle must be won
We know that Jesus Christ is risen, so the work's already done
For those chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you
That they dropped powerless behind you
When you praise Him, praise Him
Praise Him, when you praise Him
When you praise Him When you praise The Lord

Psalm 57:1 Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.

In the last few weeks, there is a situation that has had my heart in twists and so many turns. I have cried about it and there is no easy answer but what I am holding on to is this.. I am trusting in my GOD, this is only where there is comfort in this storm. It does not even matter what the storm is but this morning the LORD just spoke to me and said PEACE be still. Now the storm is still here but my GOD is worthy of praise no matter how I feel for he never changes. In his wings is where I am safe, in his refuge. Those words is what I hold on to in times like these. He is my everything, I love him so!
May his word resonate in all of us today.

It goes on and on and on....

I was reading over my blogs this morning and this thought really has hit me. I have talked about my anxiety, my issues, and on and on about me. Frankly, I am over talking about me. I desire that my words would glorify the LORD Jesus Christ. I have the tendency to just go on and on about myself because I spend so much time thinking about how much things affect my life and those that I love. Something that the LORD really brought into my heart today and the lesson that he wants me to know is this.. It aint all about you...My hearts desire is that the LORD would be pleased in what he sees in me. I am still struggling with some of those same issues and I am so tired of it. Still working on my weight.. Changed my eating lifestyle and GOD is working out those reasons to which I began to go to food for comfort. Anything that distracts me from the LORD can be a stronghold and well that is what food has been for me. I don't want to loose this weight to find out that I took the addiction of food and replaced it with something else. That is why its so vital for me to stay in the WORD and daily have GOD's word change me from what I see, think, believe, and so on. For what I focus on I become. Again I am at this place of wondering what GOD has in store for me. What is around the corner in my life is unknown for I am struggling with some personal issues but what I know in the depth of my soul is that my Heavenly Father is faithful and he meets my needs in ways that I could never could imagine. So that is where my heart is today. On so much.. trying to figure things out and reminded that its not mine to figure it out. Got to leave it at his feet for he has it figured out anyway.

He is

I was reading thorough my old journals recently and I was reminded of some things. There have been situations in my life that seemed so huge at the time and the LORD showed me again and again that he is faithful. Some of those situations that I wrote about are issues that I am still struggling with and that is ok cause that is what life is all about. Taking those struggles and living the life that GOD has called me to be. I don't want to be defined by them for my definition is found in CHRIST alone.
Something that I learned last weekend at Deeper Still was that GOD can do anything but sometimes he chooses not to answer the way that I would like. I have thought about that time and time again over this last week. The LORD is again teaching me to just trust him and believe him. He always works things out for my good even when I can't see the way. SO right now I am determinded not to look at the situation but to Christ. He can and he will do as he sees fit cause simply he is GOD. Another thing that I heard was this.. Do I trust or do I not trust? Now that hit me right on the head. I choose to trust him not by what I see but because I know who my GOD is. Now that is liberating. So dear ones.. Whatever your struggle, just know that he is able and he will do according to his plan and what I am the most grateful is that we are still on this journey. He has some awesome things in store. You ready for the ride??

Where are you at?

Where are you at is the question that my family asks me when they can't find me. That could be from me not being accessible or near a phone or for whatever reason but something that I find great joy is knowing that my GOD is always accessible. He is always there. His presence is near even when I don't feel it. I am at a season in my life that I am really content of where GOD has placed me at right now. It has taken alot of GOD's work in me to get here. I am really joyful right now even though I don't understand some situations in my life that have me quite confused and perplexed. But what I do know is the LORD's continued work in me.
I am doing TWO bible studies right now and ok I may be a little nuts.. but I so love GOD's word. I am doing the Covenant by Kay Arthur and doing a bible study called Annointed, Transformed, and Redeemed by Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shrier, and Beth Moore. Its so awesome! Being in GOD's word is the very breath that I breathe. Its my everything!
I know that some have heard the term, WHO's your DADDY? When I was watching the DVD last night from the bible study that Priscilla Shrier is teaching for this week really made me laugh and so encouraged my heart. No matter what is going on in my life is that MY DADDY is the King of Kings. HE is the LORD of LORD's! He is the 1st and the LAST!! Can I hear some praise????

The journey goes on and on....

Life is hard and yet life is good. That has been my mantra for a long time. Even when I can't see my way I can always trust God's heart. I am in a place that is beyond words. Its a time of holding on to the LORD and looking to him for everything. Really that is the place I need to stay. I am desperate for him and his presence in my life. This is something I don't ever want to get over. To awake each day and I must spend time with him is what I must do. Without him, I can't take a step or do anything. If this sounds weird to you, well I am sorry. But this journey called life is full of challenges and goodness and its been the LORD and I. There are those in my life that I love dearly but at the end of the day its the LORD who is there. He watches me as I sleep and is so excited when I awake. When I awake, I am like Oh LORD its morning but praying that GOD would change my mindset to OH LORD good morning!
I am memorizing Psalm 19:14 which says May the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight Oh GOD, my Father, my LORD, and Redeemer.
Instead of focusing on what is troubling me, I have made the decision to mediate and live out that what I mediate upon, what I think about.. is to be pleasing in my God's sight. Working on the mind set thing and not there but working towards again changing what I think about.
At the end of the day as I close my eyes.. my GOD is watching me and can't wait for me to awake. He's talking if I will just listen.. What he is saying to me right now is to slow down, give him my worries and leave them there. Worship him, adore him, and let him change my mindset so that I will continue to grow in what he has destined me to become. Now.. that is a wonderful thing. My journey with him is every going and its him/I as I again place my hand in his hand.

He is mine!

This blog tonight is about being thankful. I learned this lesson again this week about what I focus on is what I become. I have spent alot of time of just thinking and thinking why certain things in my life have happened as they have. I don't understand them but I decided to take my heart and mind into a different direction and it has helped me so much.
I am taking the time in my heart/mind about being thankful of exactly where GOD has placed me right now. There are some things that I wish were different but GOD has not changed the situation and so its time to accept things as they are and trust the end-results to him. I also have begun to write of all the things that I am thankful about and the list is so huge. GOD is so good, his mercies are never ending. His love is beyond my blonde thinking but so thankful that he loves me so. He is mine and well I can't quite get over his love in my life and well I never want to.
This journey with him is amazing, full, and beyond what I could ever ask for.
I love him, I adore him, and he is mine.

This place

I'm at a place that I don't know how quite to describe. Life well is life. Full of goodness, hardships, and well just living it out. GOD is teaching me many things right now but those things are between me and him. That is the lesson that I'm learning which is to allow him to fill that place deep in my soul. He knows the need better than I can ever express. For me, I desire to be loved and treasured. In times past, I would have friendships that I was looking to have that place filled that only he can fill. I can tell you that the only thing that I need is him. He is my husband, my best friend, and beyond that he is my GOD. He is here when the phone does not ring and I feel so alone. He is there in the good times as well as the bad.
Today for example has been a time of just me and him. Talking and just me getting some things out. My relationship with him is so personal and intimate. I never in my wildest dream thought that it was even possible. That was not in my thinking when I learned about CHRIST as a child. Even though GOD is all to me I will never and can never get over the fact that he is GOD. He is my Saviour, my everything.
My prayer is that I always remain desperate for him. Not in the way that some may be for the newest thing but I desire to be desperate for him and what he wants me to know, to do, and whatever he wants me to do for him. I AM WILLING. That is my heart today.
As I go for now.. Here is the lyrics called No Sweeter Name by Kari Jobe( Can you tell that I love her music,, cause I do)

No sweeter name than the Name of Jesus,
No sweeter name have I ever known
No sweeter name than the name of Jesus.

You are the Life to my heart and my soul
You are the Light to the darkness around me
You are the Hope to the hopeless and broken
You are the only Truth and the Way

Let go....

During the last few years for me have been a time of change on so many levels. I have had my heartache like everyone else and that is not the reason of this post. Something that GOD is dealing with me right now is just letting go. There is a situation in my personal life that I have tried for many years to change and well GOD really has spoken to my spirit and just has said LET GO! What I have chosen to do in this situation is to simply let go. I have done my part and now GOD is doing his. Now will I see the reward that I want to? At this point, I have no idea. However, what I do know is that GOD is daily healing me of this. And that dear ones is a wonderful thing.
This song by Kari Jobe really has been my prayer the last few weeks and I pray it ministers to you as it did me. GOD used the pain of my hurt and he has turned it into something beautiful for what Satan would like to use to hurt me GOD is using it for me to bless others. Now aint GOD good!
At the Foot of the Cross…
At the foot of the cross, where grace and suffering meet
You have given me life thru the judgment you received
And you won my heart, yes, you won my heart
Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming kiss the feet of mercy, I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross

Being still

For those who know me.. know that you won't often find me still. I am on the computer, facebook, or finding something to fill my time. I know its to fill that place that I desire to be filled. I'm learning the lesson to allow GOD to fill me with his presence, his word. Last night, I came home from work and the 1st thing that I did was of course get on the computer and then I sensed the LORD say get off and spend some time with me. For once.. I listened. It was such a sweet time. I took my shower, lighted some candles, and played some praise music and it was just the LORD and I. I turned off my phones and just worshipped him. Those concerns and worries in my heart did not disappear but did not seem so important.
I'm finishing a bible study by Priscilla Shrier called Hearing GOD's voice and last nights lesson was being still. Coindence? I think not. GOD uses so many things to get my attention and the lesson is to slow down and listen to his voice. He so desires to speak to me but so often I take busyiness of life and fail to slow down.
So where-ever you are at today.. lets slow down and know who GOD really is. In order to really know him more is to spend more time with him. He wants me to really know him and that is the desire of my heart.
Psalm 46:10... Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

This past week I have been looking at my blog and seeing what I have blogged about has brought about so many emotions. From can't believe that I was there and wow how did I make it here? The LORD and I have been thorough some roads together and its just been me and him. That is something that I am beyond words to even say. He knows those secret places that may be fearful, scared, or just confused. There are many things that I don't understand but what I do know is that GOD has always been faithful. I think back to my childhood and it was a good one but filled with pain that GOD knows about. I look back now and I see his hand when at the time I saw nothing but pain and he loves me just the same. One of my struggles has been my self esteem in basically how i look at myself. I have always wanted to be someone that I am not. But something that GOD has really been teaching me is that he made me and I am beautiful in his eyes. It is nothing that have done but its all about him. I was watching James Robison early this morning and Chondra Pierce was on. She had clinical depression and her story touched me on so many levels. I have depression myelf and its something that i struggle with everyday but this song really touched my heart. May the words minister to you and may we see ourselves as GOD sees us. Not to make us feel better but to realize even more how great, awesome is our GOD. I love him, I adore him, and I am so thankful that he is mine. This song is like my story on alot of ways but to think that I am beautiful in his eyes is more than my heart can understand but I am thankful beyond words than he is mine! Now that is beautiful!

Beautiful...

An old familiar voice
kept ringing in my ear
Telling me what others see
Is broken, torn, and scared
Scarred by those who've hurt me
A past I filled with sin
Convincing me that I could never be loved again
And I heard a voice above the roar
Singing over me
You are beautiful to me
Just the way I planned
Just what I see
Yes
You are beautiful to me
Every hair I've counted
Every tear I see
Just the way I created you to be
You are beautiful to me
Now I know with his love my soul is safe at last
Through his mercy I have been forgiven of my past
I know that I'm not perfect but no longer will I hide
I like who I'm becoming now through my father's eyes
And now every morning I hear him singing
Oh, he is singing over me
You... you are beautiful to me
Just the way I planned
Just what I see
Yes
You... you are beautiful to me!
Every hair I've counted
Every tear I see
Just the way I created you to be
You are beautiful to me
Oh, before I came into this world
My father held me first
He loves me now like he did then
Just the way I am
You are beautiful to him
Oh, just the way he planned
Just what he sees
Yes! Child, you are beautiful to him
Every hair he's counted
Every tear he sees
Just the way God created you to be
Just the way God created you to be
You are so beautiful
Beautiful
You are so beautiful... Beautiful to me

Restless and Anxious

I am at work tonight and my internal schedule is so off! I usually work days but I am working nights for the next few days.
The LORD again is always teaching me to just trust him when I can't see my way. That is how I feel right now. By looking with my eyes things seem un-certain and they are. God is teaching me the lesson right now of just resting in him. This is just accepting some situations for what they are. I have tried to change them and well I can not. Duh, that is what the LORD is trying to teach me.

Something that I heard by a pastor this past week has so challenged my heart. He said that when I worry it is a control issue. When I am restless it is a authority issue. Now that has hit me right between the eyes. I am a control freak about some things and well when things are not going my way I get anxious and its because I am not in control. But I am learning this lesson the hard way again that I AM NOT IN CONTROL! What needs to happen is for Laura to get off the throne and let GOD guide me! Sounds simple and yet I make it so difficult. I even talked to the LORD today of why its so hard to let go of a certain situation and again he tells my spirit to LET IT GO! Am I there yet, No but I so want to be!
Finally, it says in Psalms 23:2 that he makes us to lie down in green pastures. What the pastor says this means is that GOD has to make us lie down for us to have our needs met. But what do I do? I come up with anxiety and become frustrated. All GOD wants to do is to meet my needs but I have to lie down and rest in him. Its when I lie down and rest in him that all my needs are met. When I rest in him is where I find peace and contentment. This is my journey right now.
No matter what journey I am on I am so thankful of GOD's presence in my life. Not only his presence but his continued work. I am not where I want to be but praise the LORD I am not where I was!
Love to you all!

What I have to say is this....

This is a time in my life that I am filled with mixed emotions. Life has been hard and yet its been good. So many unknowns in my family right now. Direction that need to be clarified and the question is simply this.. What to pray, what to say? What I have been praying is how much I love you LORD. How much I need you. How that I don't understand things right now. How much my heart hurts when those I love are in pain. How I can not make it without you and thanking you that I don't have to. Been spending some time praying to the LORD about these things. There have been some sleepless nights over the last few weeks and its been a time of self-reflection. Wondering what GOD wants me to know and I don't have the answer. I so wish I did. Again I am at that place that all I know to do is to call out to him and seeking him. Praying that my desires would be what he wants for me.
I thank him that he knows my needs better than I can express. I thank him that he loves me in spite of myself and I praise him simply today just for who is his. He is my Heavenly Father and I just praise him. I love him and thats all I have to say for now.

What Worry really is...

The many faces of fear (Ps 23:1)

1) Knowing GOD makes worrying un-necessary. LORD-Jehovah means to be. He is the GOD of my past, present, and future! He address’ my past, present in the right now of where I am, and who is GOD of all future and eternity. See Hebrews 13:8, Matthew 25:6. Anxious means split or divided mind. STOP now my worrying!

2) Knowing GOD makes worry uncharacteristic of a believer. He is my Shepherd! When David says that GOD is our shepherd, he is also teaching us that: sheep cannot provide for themselves, he protect (sheep have no natural defense), the Shepherd guides, and the Shepherd directs. Is 40:11. WORRY is a CONTROL ISSUE! If I am a worried Christian, then I think I am in control and that is when I should worry.

3) Knowing GOD makes worry un-profitable. God has met my needs in the past, in the present, and I can trust GOD with your future. Duet 2:7. God knows what I am going thru and I am lacked a thing that I have needed. When there is anything in my life that blocks GOD out of my life it is idolatry.

Letting things go

This past month has been filled with so many ups and downs. Mostly downs if I would let Satan have his way. There is so much hurt in this world that if I focus on that it would really depress me. And OK, I struggle with depression so I really have been praying and taking that Scripture that says," We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ"(2 Corinthians 10:5).

This is something that has really been on my mind, what I think about. For what I think about, I become! When I am depressed and have a pity party for whatever reason.. I just go deeper into that pit of depression and its yuk! As my precious Aunt Alice tells me that you got to get off the pity-pot! When I have this pity-party it seems that no one comes. And that is a good thing cause during these times of depression that sometimes I am looking for that place to fill me that no one can fill but my LORD Jesus! That is the way he designed for it to be. This is what GOD is still working with me on. I have times of loneliness, depression, and just sadness in my soul but its during these times that the LORD teaches me again that the only one who can fill that empty place is the LORD.
This lesson that GOD has been teaching me for me to allow him to fill me is something that he has been working with me on for a long time now. I have been reminded though during my times with him that HE AIN'T LETTING GO on this one!
Finally... In my life there are situations that I have been holding on to. Wanting them to change and wishing that they would. I did all I knew to do well during this past week the LORD revealed something to me that is simple but something that he wanted me to know. LET IT GO! Let it go for what I wish it was, let it go for what it should be and simply LET IT GO! This is his lesson to me of to simply let it go!

Freedom

I have not posted in a week cause I did not know really want to say. My heart is really how can I say this CHANGE. Not just loosing my grandaddy but he is doing a thing in me that I hope that I can properly say. Saying goodbye is so hard for me. I know that I will see my grandaddy again for he professed his faith in Christ. I remember when I was a little girl when I would leave Lake City of where I live now to my home in Ft Myers when I was growing up that I would cry and cry cause I did not want to go home. Those emotions are better now I guess but at the base of feeling overwhelmed when I say good-bye is that at the cruxt of it I feel like I have been left behind. That is how I felt as a little girl and some of those emotions enter my heart on days like when I have to say good-bye. But GOD has been speaking to my heart is that he has NEVER left me, he will never disappoint me. So why do I think that I feel so left behind at times? It is because sometimes I put GOD into a box that he has never been in. He is s much bigger than I can even comprehend!! That oh my friend is what I am thanking him for!
My physical freedom by being an American is so awesome but my eternal freedom that GOD paid the price by his death of CHRIST and his resurrection to give us new life!!

My all in all

Something that has been on my heart today and over the last few weeks is about total TRUST. Something of like a theme right now in my life. I have had some major changes in my life over the last few years. Those things could have shaken me to the core but instead they have totally redefined my relationship with CHRIST. That may seem weird or strange to some but in those times of desperation and when i totally have no idea in what to do are some of the sweetest time between the LORD and I. That is where I am at right now. Having those days that I would rather take the sheets and cover my head up and don't come out but life goes on. Right now I really can't see my way right now but I do know who is leading my way. He is doing so much in my life right now that its beyond me. He is teaching me not to just trust in him but to just trust him.
Ok, don't think that I am all that to come up with that but its in Praying God's WORD by Beth Moore. When I read this again and heard it, it so resonated with my heart.
For me, I just want to trust him. Not for what he does but just for who he is.
It says it best in Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.
This is something that I memorized long ago but its something that I am really mediating on right now. My own thinking can get me into so much trouble. I can think that something is what it is when its not that way at all. If I allow Satan to do so,I can go into a deep depression and so on. But acknowledging him is more than knowing him but really realizing that its GOD and his ways are best. He guides me when I don't see or understand the way.
My prayer would be that he would totally again change my mindset. What I think about I want to be about him. Again, God's work in me is never finished. I am thankful for that.
I have spent so much time on my knees over the last week or so because of pain in my heart but GOD is tenderly healing me. Now it will take time but I am thankful for his tender and compassion in me. Thorugh it, I am made strong as I daily depend on him.
The words ALL IN ALL as written by Dennis Jernigan come to my heart tonight...
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I get dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

I have thought over the last week of so many things. The grief that my family have experienced due to my grandfather's death is vast. The emotions go from one spectrum to another. Our family will never be the same. It has left a hole there that nothing or no-one can fill and that is ok. Now I am at a place in my life again that I am unsure of what lies ahead. And again that is ok. What I do know is that GOD is right beside me no he resides within me! What I am most focused at this time in my life is that my response to them would be GOD honoring and not LAURA focused. So many times, all I do is think about me, me, and me again. I am so selfish in my thinking but I pray that the LORD would so change my mind.
For those who know me, know that I love music and its music that has ministered to me this past week. This song by Travis Cottrell and this song talks about GOD's presence. Its what I need, I need only him.

In your presence..
In your presence that where i am strong
In your presence oh LORD my GOD
In your presence that I belong
Seeking your face
Touching your face
In the cleft of the rock.
In your presence oh GOD.

I want to go where the rivers can't overflow me
where my feet on the rock
I want to hide where the raising fire can't burn me
In your presence oh GOD
In your presence that's where is where I am strong
In your presence, oh LORD, my GOD
In your presence, where I belong
Seeking your face, touching your grace, in the cleft of the rock.
In your presence oh GOD

Good-bye

Saying goodbye.. That is what this week has been. To say goodbye to my grandaddy is something that right now that I am still trying to process. You see, he has been such a HUGE part of my life and well to know that he is no longer here is so hard. I won't give those responses that I have heard over the last few days.. That he did not suffer and he is in a better place. I know those words and they are true but please hear my heart here.. I miss him and you know what that is OK. I am reminded of funny things he said, stories of him growing up, and so many things. I loved him more than I can say here or that I can express. HE is gone and I know that. But he is in heaven and that is something that my hope lies in.
I come from a very loving family of which I am so blessed to have. We love each other and that is a blessing. I think of my gma tonight. Tonight, as you read this please say a special prayer for her. I pray that the LORD would comfort her as only he can.
Something that the preacher said yesterday that I can't get out of my mind is letting go. Letting go of those hard-times and memories and hold on to the good. So often when we look back or are in pain all that we or I think about is those hard times. But tonight, I am thinking of all those good times. Those times that bring comfort to my heart. That is how GOD works.
So, now I bid you goodnight. Hold those you love dear and let them know of how much you love them. Sleep well, GOD bless.

My grandaddy

Today the words He is gone has been said more times than I care to count. My grandfather passed away this morning and well my emotions are beyond than I can really profess. I loved him and tonight some special memories are filling my heart. There is so much that I want to say but right now I am going to wait for that when my emotions are not so high but I want to say this... Tell your loved ones you love them and hold them close tonight. We are not promised of tomorrow. I know that I love much and tonight my heart hurts much too.
So I will say this.. Grandaddy, I love you and I know you know that. You can rest now.. No more pain for you are with Jesus now.

His plan!

Its Saturday night and I am sitting in my chair. So life is good. But there is something on my heart tonight. Its been almost a year since I have lived in my home. There are so many emotions that go along with it. It was such a journey to get here that getting here was so hard in so many ways. But I learned something about the LORD thorough this journey. He knows the master plan! I so hate that sometimes I don't see the big picture. Sometimes all I see is what is right in front of me. Right now, I am at a place of just daily just trusting him. Life is hard but I can testify this from the bottom of my heart that GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD. I can say this not just because of that the GOD knows what is best.
In all that I have dreamed about since I was a little girl, it would be that I would have a family with children. Well my life has not turned out that way. In my estimation, those who I love would have never died. However, this is the hand that has been dealt. Thorough these struggles, GOD has used them for me to really be desperate for him and his presence in my life. I can say with 100% assurance that my own issues and struggles brought me to my knees. I tried to fix things on my own and well I got no-where. But when I came to the end of myself is when GOD so made a change in my life. That is why I praise him. For now I know and believe he is my everything. He is the MAIN THANG. If I never marry and don't have children its ok because GOD alone meets my needs. He is my everything. He is my Abba Father. I love him, I adore him.
When I can't see my way I can always trust his heart.
I am excited to what lies ahead, GOD has things in store for me. What they are I have no idea. But I am thankful to be on this journey with him!

Here Again

Here I go again.. I am so tired of dealing with the same issue. Anxiety and feeling so overwhemed with things of life. For the last two days, GOD is just proding me to just trust him. Been anxious and just wanting to get some things straight in my mind but not even consulting the LORD. Just trying to steam road ahead, now with that I am not getting too far.
So again, the LORD pulls me in and its so out of his great love for me.

My scripture memory verse for the next two weeks are this:
Micah 7:7 which says... But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD; I wait for GOD my Saviour; my GOD will hear me.

So again I just place my 100% faith and trust in him. Its not as easy as it sounds. It is laying aside my own needs and just simply trusting him. Loving him and laying all this at his feet. My GOD hears my cry even though he doesn't answer like I like. He doesn't have to answer what I want, he knows so much better than me. So right now I baske in his presence and thanking him that he knows me better than I know my self. I love him, I adore him. He is mine forever.

How great is our GOD!!!

No words to say but GREAT IS MY GOD!!

A weighty issue!

Ok. Well this week has been one of some really hard things that the LORD is teaching me. Its that same old lesson, am I going to trust him or me?? Its so much more than that? I wish that I could say that ok I am just trusting the LORD and so on but frankly I am not there but I am on my way.
I am dealing with some stuff in my life right now that is just hard. Simply put. Its really between the LORD and I and that really is ok. For now, that is where I want it to stay but I want to share something that the LORD has been dealing with me on. I have a weight issue and well let me simply say it, I am OVERWEIGHT! There it has been said. If you know me in real life you are most likely saying DUH? But I have been struggling with food as early as I can remember. It is where I have gone to for comfort or whatever emotion that I am dealing with Some eat when they are happy but I eat whenever there is food. I have lost 50 pounds and please don't complement me because that is not the reason of me saying that. Over the last month or so, I just quit eating like I should and just quit exercising because it is just too hard. It is hard to do this and I just kind of gave up. So, here I am and not loosing weight but I have gained such a heaviness not just physically but emotionally as well. So again I lay myself at the LORD's feet and not just asking for this to be taken away but for him to teach me to just trust him. Let him meet my needs instead of me trying to meet them.
This post has been so hard to write but I feel like I needed to. To be real and just be honest about my struggle.
So here I am. I lay my hand in his hand and some days I don't even want to get out of the bed and face this. But I continue on and just him. Not based upon my feelings but based upon GOD and his will for me. His will for me is to just trust him and obey him in every area of my life.
So now I am going to bed and I pray that whatever your struggle is from food to whatever you are holding on to all I can say is this.. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths( Proverbs 3: 5-6) I love you oh LORD and all I know to do is to hold on and I keep my eyes on the prize and that is loving you more tomorrow than I do today. I trust you, I adore you, and I am really excited to what lies ahead.
Love,
Laura

P.S.
By the way to those keeping up with the compassion scholarship that I won, I got an email today stating that the packet should be coming within the next few weeks. So stay tuned!

Just some thinking going on!

Well here is another post and I just wrote one yesterday. It could say many things. That first I do not have a life or just have this need to blog. Ok, prayerfully the later is the answer.
Today has been a day that I have done nothing but just sit and do nothing. However, it has been a day of being reflective on some things that GOD is teaching me right now.
I have so much to be thankful for. I would never had imagined when I was a little girl that I would have a job that I love and have this home that GOD has so blessed me with. It is him totally!
To what GOD has brought me from to what he has done in my life is simply amazing.
I am trying to really have GOD's word go into every area of my life from my mind to my heart. My mind often gets overwhelmed cause 1st I am a natural blonde ( joke) and well life can be overwhelming at times.
Then this afternoon, I was feeling somewhat moody and bored this afternoon and I just talked to the LORD about some things and I was reminded to just focus on GOD and his word. I am so trying to memorize Scripture and right now, I am memorizing Psalm 118:15-6. You can read my sidebar for it. The last verse really hit me right in the eyes when it said I will not neglect your word. Then I thought, can I really say that? Sometimes but not always. What I most desire is that GOD would always find me faithful to him and his word. There are those times that I am not. It is in those times that I am just focused on myself and not on him. This is when I know that I have failed him; ok I do this on a daily basis. Again, I get before the LORD and ask him again to just refocus my thoughts. Again, he gets me on the right path. What I most desire LORD is to delight in your ways. My prayer right now is that he would get me out of the way and may my desires be molded into what he wants for me. That is my desire.

My memories

Well it has been a while since I have blogged. Ok, a week or so but just have been busy with work and general life stuff. Not that exciting!
Well my news is this... I won a scholarship from Beth Moore ministry called Living Proof ministry. It goes like this. If you want to know more about it, just go to http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com. Anywho, as I say... I am excited to what is in store for me and GOD's continued work in my life. The work that he began in me continues on and on until I am called home! What a precious thought.

Ok, on to my meaning of my rambling for today. Today is Memorial Day and it is more than having time with family and friends but it has to remember our veterans who have served in the military. I know many who served but the one who is the closest to me would be my Grandfather who has sensed passed on and his name for Edward Russell. He was such a special man but he was a man of GOD. I know do not a lot of his time in the service because he did not talk about it a lot but I do know that he was honored to do so. There were accomplishments that he did within his time in the service but my family never knew of them until he had passed away. That was the kind of man he was.
I miss him terribly. I think of him and I wonder what he must think of things now. I mean our family has changed and life has had its changes since he left this life. He has been gone since 1993. Ok, let me just tell you the story. Bear with me. If I bore you... Well I am sorry but I am in a reflective mood. My grandmother on my dad's side passed away in November of 1992. It was a sudden death and well our family has never been quite the same. You know there is that hole in our hearts that has not ever been filled. I know now who can fill it and it is only the LORD JESUS! Anyway, my grandpa just never quite was the same after my grandma died. However, it was so different. He was not a man who readily showed his emotions but after my grandma died, he and I had some special times together. I stayed with him when I would go home to visit and we talked about old times in our family. We have to settle things and I have to tell him how much I loved and respected him. It was a time I so hold dear. Therefore, in his memory today, I ask you to love those who have near and to honor our veterans by not just remembering their sacrifice for our freedom but to honor them in your thoughts, attitudes, and to be reminded of our great land. Yea, things are not what I would like and times are tough. Nevertheless, remember we are still free!
I had no idea that Psalm 91 was known among some veterans as the “SOLDIERS PRAYER" so I have added it below for your reflection.
Hold those you love dear and I just praise the LORD for all of his goodness in my life. I love you all.

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings, you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

What's been going on???

Things in my life are not what I would call exciting but GOD has really been teaching me again and again of this hard lesson of when I go to others to fill my cup instead of him well I end up empty every time. What do I mean by this?
I have this need as well I am sure so many do of wanting love and acceptance but again the LORD is teaching me to only go to him and let him fill me up. This has been a lesson that I am slow in learning. Ok, I am stubborn and hard headed. Over the last few days, the LORD has said in my spirit that I am GOING TO TEACH YOU this. So again I am getting this and its such a hard lesson to learn.
This is where I am at right now.. Its a hard place to be but I have never felt his presence so close to me as when I cry out to him. He knows my heart.
I am desperate for him and his presence in my life. I am nothing without him. He is my THANG! He is my only strength.
So wherever you may be, cling to him. Hold on tight! I have no idea what lies ahead for me but I do know and believe who has the anchor and its the LORD himself!
I have great news to share.... Stay tuned for more info..
Nothing like keeping you hanging.
I love you all so much. GOD bless.

100th post- Who would've thought???

I can't even imagine that this is my 100th post!! I am beyond words with it. Can you imagine??
I am not like my other blogging friends who have some give-away cause I have no idea in what I would do. Again my blog is to express what is on my heart and what GOD is doing.
GOD has done so much in my heart this past year and yet I realize of his continued work in my life, don't we all?? Its after 2am and I couldn't sleep so here I am. There is so much that GOD is doing, some that I can see and some that I don't. He has brought me to a place in my life that sometimes I feel like I am on the tight rope and don't know how I will even make it. What I do know more than anything that even when I don't understand why things happen as they do that I Can always trust his heart. He knows best, his ways are so beyond my " blond" thinking.
So right now, I praise him for so many things for his redeeming power in my life. He has saved me from the pit. I wonder why sometimes that I haven't forgotten what it is like but I think that GOD reminds me of it not to relieve that pain but to be reminded what he brought me to not really from. What he brought me from is amazing and so painful. But thorough this pain that I endured GOD used it to bring me to him in ways that I can never even express. The final thing that GOD is teaching me is that IT ain't about me but its about him. I would like to say that my journey with him I would pray would bring in honor!
As his word says and this is my heart that the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O GOD my Redeemer. That is my prayer, my journey is that at the end of the day per say that I would be found faithful even when its hard to so do. To just trust him not cause of all he has done but just because what he has done.
I am taking this time to thank him for so much but above all things I praise him that he saved me, he set me free. I was set free not just for myself but for others to see God's glory in me. Sometimes, I wonder what do others really see in me. Not someone who loves life and likes to laugh. But I pray that they see JESUS in me from what I say and do.
Oh LORD I love you so much, words can not even explain it. But I thank you for it. I love you, I adore you, and LORD I worship you right here and now. Even when I can't see with my eyes cause they will fail me but I can always trust your heart. I love you , LORD!!

Happy Mothers Day 2009

This is my blog from last Mother's Day.. I love them still the same. For those who are gone and to those that are still here let me say this, I love you and thank the LORD for all you have done in my life. Its not easy what you do and I am so thankful for the sacrifice you make. It does not go un-noticed!!


Happy Mothers Day!!
Memories fill my heart today on a day like this.
I also want to remember those who have gone on to heaven who we think about today. They may be our grandmothers, our mothers, or aunts but they are so special to each of us. For me, I am so thankful for the women in my life such as my mother, my grandmother, and my special " aunts". You know who you are.
So tonight I leave you to consider those who have made a difference in your life such as family and friends but for me Jesus has made the biggest change in my life. He saved me from the pit into freedom. There are times that I forget what he has brought me from but consider this Praise God to what he has brought you too if you have called upon him. His mercy and faithfulness is never ending.
Love,
Laura

Tomorrow is National Day of Prayer. For more info see here http://www.ndptf.org

I am reminded again of how much we should be praying for so much in our land. The scripture for this year is "May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."
Do you think of the prayers that have been lifted up to GOD and maybe not answered? Some may say oh GOD does not answer prayers but I can tell you he does. Oh his answers are not what I think they should be sometimes but looking back I can see his hand in so many areas in my life.
Today though my heart is filled with so many things. From knowing of so many people who are in pain physically, emotionally, and spiritually my heart is in a spirit of prayer and not just cause its national day of prayer tomorrow. I am reminded to be on my face before my GOD.
I don't know the answer for the troubles that seem to be asailing those I love and those I know who are having such hard times now but I know who knows the answer.
As the WORD says may your unfailing love rest upon us as we put our hope in you. Right now in my own life I have my own concerns and issues in my life but right now I know who to hope in and its not in what I can do or even say but its in GOD alone.
So tomorrow I will be praying just like I do every day but tomorrow I will be surrounded by numerous Christians who are praying do. Just think of the things that GOD will do as we are united in his name!!

Its all about him and not me!

Good evening to all! I so can't believe of how much I love to blog. Its not just being in contact with my friends and those who understand this journey that I am on. But to go back and forth and see all that GOD has done is amazing. Its beyond it actually.
I am at a place of which I wish I had some peace in some areas of my heart. The struggle is still there and the LORD and I are still working it out. I do know that I am sure that the LORD just wished that I would just get a grip and really just trust him. There really is no need to even say what the issue is cause the LORD knows about it better than I can ever explain. I so want to trust him in this area but I haven' let go yet. To even write these words down really freeks me out! The reason why is that the mask is coming off.
I go thorough phases of that I think ok I have really dealt with some stuff and then I am reminded again that I haven't. This self-introspection is so over-rated and then the thought comes to me I am being so selfish. I so hate that about myself. Frankly, I do spend alot of time of thinking about me and I am so over it.
My hearts desire is this to just focus on the LORD. Simple is it? I want him to so invade every area of my heart and life from the 1st thought and action to the last thing that I do every day. I can tell you this that the LORD is again doing a work in me that I can't even put into words.
In my last blog of which was yesterday I asked the question of what is the LORD teaching you? Well for me its simple, its aint about ME but its all about him. I want my life to bring him glory, I want to lift him up. May all I say, think, and do bring him glory. For its all about him.

May these words minister to you as they did me today....
Who alone but you by Dennis Jernigan

Who can sastify my soul like you
Who on earth could comfort me and love me like you do
Who could ever be more faithful and true
I will trust in you, I will trust in you my GOD
Living water reign down your life on me
Cleansing me, refreshing me with life abundently
River full of life I go where you lead
I will trust in you
I will trust in you my GOD

There is a fountain
Who is the king
Victorous warrior and LORD of everything
My rock, my shelter
My very home
Blessed redeemer who reigns upon the throne

What are ya learning today???

Today is Friday, Praise the LORD!!

This is the scripture verse that the LORD brought me to today and it says from Is 32:17," The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever".

I have no idea why the LORD gave me the verse but here it is. Stay tuned and I will be able to share as the LORD reveals himself to me.

What is the LORD teaching you today??
Today he is just giving me peace in the midst of the storm. Not to just get thorough it but for me to live thorough it. To be victorous. He wants to show me his might and power but often he needs me to get out of the way. So here we go!!

Just some stuff

This week has been a busy one for me. I have said goodbye to a loved one and then my daddy has been in the hospital. He is doing much better and thanks for all your prayers.
In other news, my heart is at a place that I really don't know how to even explain. I am dealing with some things that I can't even talk about right now but GOD knows and that is ok. I am really seeking him and just wanting to know what he wants me to know about him and learn more about him.
I admit that these last few weeks I haven't been spending time with the LORD as I should. I have been overwhelmed with so many things that I just did not make the time to spend with him and well my life has seen the difference. The LORD reallly got my attention this week in reminding me what the main thing and that is him. Instead of looking at things from his persepctive its been all about me. Then by just being in his presence and really seeking him the last few days that he again is teaching me that the basis for alot of my attitudes about some things is based upon fear. I know who is the author of fear and it aint my GOD. I am fearful of so many things from insecurity to wondering about being alone and it goes on and on. Even when I type these words I wonder what will people think of me? You know what? I am really tired of wearing the mask and well I just want to be real. Not just to those I love but to my GOD. So again I lay myself at my GOD's feet and just basking in his presence. I so need him so much. He is my everything. I thank him for always being faithful even when I am not.
So being real is my focus right now. Not on me and my stuff but just being open before the LORD. Wanting him to be in every part of my life. Asking him to change me as he desires and that my will to be aligned to his perfect will for me. That is my heart's desire. I love him and so glad that he loves me.

Saying goodbye

This past weekend has been filled with so many emotions. My dear friend, Mary went home to meet the LORD last Friday morning. It was was hard for those who loved her. It was filled with so many emotions. To know that she is no longer in pain is what brings her family and those who loved her with peace. She is with the Father and is in his presence. But our hearts still hurt. But it won't be forever.
I spent yesterday with a good friend of mine who is having struggles of her own but they are hers to tell. It got me thinking of those in my life that I have said goodbye to. I think of them and miss them but to know that they are no longer in physical pain really comforts my heart. To know that there is no more cancer, chemo, radiation is inspiring. GOD has healed those who are his children, who have called on him by name, and accepted him as LORD and Saviour.
Life is so hard sometimes and often I get off course because the focus of my life is upon me and my own issues. But I have been reminded again what life is really all about. Its about love of my Saviour. He has set me free. Its about not looking on what life seems to be but its about him. Its about family. Loving them. Its about being grateful for those that GOD gives to us to love for however long that may be.
So I pray that wherever you are in life that you first know Jesus Christ personally as your LORD and Saviour. Lets keep serving him, loving him and each other.

My friend Mary

Today is a day of mixed emotions. Ok, when isn't a day filled with mixed emotions. My dear sweet friend Mary left this earth this morning and is in the arms of Jesus! I will miss her terribly for she was a joy in my life and someone I loved dearly. She was one who was not a big complainer and always praised the LORD with whatever she was going thorough. She encouraged me to keep the faith! The last time I sat with her when she was coherent she talked to me about her walk with the LORD and how she met the LORD. Her journey was filled with ups and downs and she so encouraged me. I will miss her dearly and I am so thankful that she is no longer in pain. No more chemo, radiation, hospice! But our hearts still hurt.
Praying for her family tonight. We will see her again.

My friend

*** Update*****
Just got a call from my friend, Kathi and she said that her BUN/Creatine( kidney levels) are down some so she might have to have the biopsy. She will have her blood tested next Monday.
I so believe in prayer specifically and I am asking you to pray!! No matter the result, God is exactly who he says he is.


Orginal Post
Friends... How special and wonderful they are! Today my heart is thinking of my friend Kathi. She had a kidney transplant last June and has been having issues with rejection of it. Its to be expected and things are just crazy for her right now. Let me tell you that if it was me, I would be so stressed out and overwhelmed! My friend Kathi is not perfect by any means but she has shown such grace and total trust in GOD thoroughout this. She inspires me daily to keep GOD the main thing in my heart and life no matter what I may " see " around me.

That is all I have to say right now but I would appreciate anyone to pray for her. God is GOD and is the greatest physician.

Love in Christ,
Laura

Being Real

I have thought about being real and authentic for years and it has been my passion for awhile now. I still struggle with wearing the mask around some people because I don't want to be hurt and truthfully I hate rejection. That is the thing for me, I may seem that I have it all together for those who know me knows that is the farthest thing from the truth.
The desire of my heart is to be real before GOD and those in my life. That is harder than it seems sometimes and this is again where GOD is calling me to. To be honest about the struggle but go to HIM 1st. The issue is not my pain or whatever is going on in my heart but the real issue is PRIDE. I don' want to ask for help from anyone. I am single and for so long I have gotten through situations by doing things myself and not even asking for help. Then things get very ugly and then again I am on my face before the LORD.
My heart goes back to Psalm 121:1-2 that I memorized at the beginnng of April which says, I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? It comes from the LORD the maker of heaven and earth.
So there it is, we all hurt but praise his name that he heals our hurts.

Well this is my 90th post! I can't believe it. I have met so many people because of my blog and from my siesta forum as well and I am so blessed because of them.

I was actually reading some of my blog from when it 1st started and reading my blog and knowing what was going on in my heart then brought some tears( almost) to my eyes. When I started this blog it was a journal of my thoughts and the things that GOD is/was doing in my life. That is why I continue to blog. His work is not complete nor will it be until I am rapture face to face. During these last two years it has been hard and yet my life has changed in so many ways. GOD again began to heal me in some areas and brought about to light some ways that I needed to make right. I am still healing and his continued work in my life is so amazing. Even though his work is continuing there are still those struggles that I as well as we all deal with. But in the midst of it all, MY GOD has never changed nor will he ever. I see his hand so much clearly in some things yet in others I have no idea what his plan is. And you know that is OK.
That is where I am at today. Accepting things for what they are, knowing that I can't change situations or people, but I CAN change my outlook and how I react to them. That is what has been so life-changing to me. I don't want it to sound that I am there yet, wherever that is; I am still on the journey. I am honored to be on that journey with you all who are saved and are on this journey too.
My scripture memory verses continue with Psalm 121 which says, " He will not let your foot slip;He who watches over you will not slumber;Indeed, he who watches over Israel,will not slumber or sleep.
So as I am about to go to sleep and prayerfully many of you all too; lets remember that we know who are only HELP is, he is the maker of heaven and earth, and while we sleep he is watching over us. That brings such tenderness into my heart. To know that as I am sleeping the GOD of heaven, my ABBA Daddy is watching over me.
HE DOES NOT SLUMBER OR SLEEP.
SLEEP WELL OH PRECIOUS ONE!!

He's ALIVE!!

The gates and doors were barred
And all the windows fastened down
I spent the night in sleeplessness
And rose at every sound
Half in hope of sorrow
And half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breakin' through
To drag us all away

And just before the sunrise
I heard something at the wall
The gate began to rattle
And a voice began to call
I hurried to the window
Looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches
And the sound of soldiers' feet

But there was no one there but Mary
So I went down to let her in
John stood there beside me
As she told me where she'd been
She said they've moved Him in the night
And none of us know where
The stone's been rolled away
And now His body isn't there

We both ran towards the garden
Then John ran on ahead
We found the stone and empty tomb
Just the way that Mary said
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in
Was just an empty shell
And how or where they'd taken Him
Was more than I could tell

Oh something strange had happened there
Just what I did not know
John believed a miracle
But I just turned to go
Circumstance and speculation
Couldn't lift me very high
'Cause I'd seen them crucify Him
Then I saw Him die

Back inside the house again
The guilt and anguish came
Everything I'd promised Him
Just added to my shame
When at last it came to choices
I denied I knew His name
And even if He was alive
It wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled
With a strange and sweet perfume
Light that came from everywhere
Drove shadows from the room
And Jesus stood before me
With His arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees
And I just clung to Him and cried

Then He raised me to my feet
And as I looked into His eyes
The love was shining out from Him
Like sunlight from the skies
Guilt in my confusion
Disappeared in sweet release
And every fear I ever had
Just melted into peace

He's alive yes He's alive
Yes He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide
He's alive yes He's alive
Oh He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide
He's alive He's alive
Hallelujah He's alive
He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide
He's alive He's alive He's alive
I believe it He's alive
Sweet Jesus

This is Good Friday and something that was reminded again that during this time that as Christians when we talk about Easter that the discussion always go the to resurrection and that is something so important but something that I want to focus on and remember right now and somthing that I don't want to get over. JESUS bore my sin, he sacrificied that I may live. My sin past and present and future was laid upon him. That is something that really reminds me of what my life should be about. Really being thankful and wanting to live a life of thanksgiving to my GOD> Then I think of the song called he paid a debt.
It goes like this, He paid a debt he did not ow, I owe a debt I could not pay I needed someone to wash my sins away. Really medicate on the sacrifice that he paid in order that I may live.
Oh praise him, I adore you LORD. I am yours and you are mine.
May this scripture really remind us what Easter is all about. Its not about candy or the easter bunny but its about the sacrifice that CHRIST paid in order that we may live.
Is 53
Isaiah 53
1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression [a] and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken. [b]
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes [c] his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life [d] and be satisfied [e] ;
by his knowledge [f] my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therfore I will give him a portion among the great, [g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, [h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

LOOK UP!

Its Scripture memory verse time again!! My verses to memorize is from Psalm 121:1-2 which state, " I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,the Maker of heaven and earth.

This is something that GOD again is calling me to, to remind me of where my hope is and the only place to look for help is him alone. So often when I am in the midst of issues as I like to call them I look to myself to solve the issue and go on and on about it. Then, the light bulb comes on, LOOK UP, girlfriend! As I look up, I realize of who I am in Christ. It is not about me but its all about him. HE IS GOD, my CREATOR> To think that GOD, the maker of everything is living inside me and his work is being renewed each and every day.
So when I have another stress out situation and well it may happen at any time, I know where my help comes from. It is on my knees and in his presence that I am reminded of this. I was singing a song this morning and the essence of it was being desperate for him. I don't ever want to get over for being desperate. As as women we get desperate because of many reasons but what I only want to be desperate for is being in his presence thorough his word and in prayer. Being in his presence and staying in his will for my life is what I am desperate for. Him and him alone. He is it, for he is all I need.
I love you LORD, I need you LORD, and you are ALL I NEED. Thank you for all you do but beyond that I just thank you for being my GOD and my MAKER.

Loss for words?? I don't think so!

Today I am at a loss for words? So how can that be for anyone who knows me? There are people in my life right now that are hurting and well everything has been said to encourage and well frankly nothing has changed. You know what, it really makes me mad!

You know what that is ok. That is where I am at right now. I see those who I love and those who I know who are in pain! I don't want to see them in pain but well I don't have control over those things. What I can control is well NOTHING. I wonder if I namely LAURA can hear that.

Due to the way that GOD made me that when others around me are in pain or have been hurt by others well it makes me just want to make things better. Well, this is when things get not so pretty. This is when I get in the way of what maybe GOD may be wanting to do through me and often he just wants me to be silent and encourage and DO NOTHING to change it. What can I do anyway? I can love, encourage, and finally pray. I have really been talking to GOD alot about those around me who are hurting. For when they hurt my heart hurts too. That is because I have been in pain before and well I am still there. BUT I know of the freedom that CHRIST alone can give. I so want that for them. I have been in the pit more times than I can count and well I so don't want anyone I love there. So, again I come to my Father and pleading their cause. He knows the pain that those I love are going thorough right now and he is still on the throne. I have said this so many times that I can even count. Even when I can't see his way thorough things I can attest to this to the end THAT I CAN ALWAYS trust my GOD's heart. He has never let me down nor will he ever.

Something that right now GOD is really teaching me is to real with him. But go to him 1st. Let him meet my needs. He alone can meet them anyway. It has really made such a change in my heart. Even though GOD is still working and will until I take my last breath does not mean that I won't hurt or be in pain because well if you did not know I am HUMAN> Ok, i hate to disappoint anyone but there it is.

So where you are right now, take that time today to be still in his presence. This song entitled Be STILL by Kari Jobe. I know I write her lyrics alot but they really tell of my heart right now.

BE STILL>>>>>

He is here for the broken, life to the one who is not done
He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one
He is here, he is here.
Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul be still
Wait patiently upon the LORD
Be still my soul be still

When the waves rise against me
And the wind tries to draw me away
I will stand on the mountain safe in your arms I will sing
Be still my soul be still
Be still my soul be still
Wait patiently upon the LORD
Be still my soul be still. Be still he is GOD, he is HERE
BE still and know he is GOD. He is here, he is here.

Still praying

I can't believe that I have written a post for three days in a row! Ok, I so need a life.
My heart is heavy today for baby Stellan, check it out here www.charmingkids.net for more info. I am asking whoever reads my blog and I have no idea who anymore but PLEASE pray for this precious baby and his family.

I know who the healer is, who the great physician is. When things seem hopeless I know that GOD is bigger than that. I have no idea in how things will work out here or in other situations that he knows about but GOD knows the end of the story. So lets cling to him and just baske in his presence.

Healing

In my life right now is a time of really being on my face and heart before the LORD on some things. There are some areas that I just have not given 100% to him and I give it to him and well I take them back. Where does that get me, no-where. The struggle that I am dealing with is hard and it goes back to something that is private between the LORD and I. However, I know that in my heart that if I would just learn to let him fill my cup, let him be where I allow to fill my all. Instead of looking to friends or family to fill those areas of my heart that only he can fill things would be so much different in my life. Then today, I was listening to the song entitled, " Healer" by Kari Jobe. Well, I was about on my face when i heard these words. He is my healer, he is all I need.

May these words minister to you and all GOD is calling me to do is to just trust him. He is bigger than what we can see or feel but I know my GOD is bigger than the storms that are around us right now. He knows the battle better than we can ever express. What I do know more than anything right now is that he is it, he is enough. I love him so.

You hold my every moment, you calm my raging sea, you walk with me thru fire, and heal all my disease. I trust in you, I trust in you. I believe you are my healer, I believe you are all I need. I believe you are my portion, I believe that you are more than enough for me. Jesus you are all I need.
Nothing is impossible for you, nothing is impossible for you. You hold my world in your hands. Jesus, you all I need.

Baby Stellan

There are many things on my heart today and the thing that is hitting my heart today is a baby named Stellan that I have never met in person but his mama's blog really has changed my life. You can learn more about it here, http://www.mycharmingkids.net

So today, what I ask you is to pray. It is I am sure scary for this precious family and I ask GOD to wrap them in his care.

Crazy Love

This past week I joined a discussion group by some blogging friends of mine and we are reading and then discussing weekly the book entitled Crazy Love. Its by Francis Chan. So far I love it.
To begin with, it talks about just worshipping GOD by the majesty of our creator? When I think of all he has created and I look around my environment I am so amazed. How the trees grow and just the beauty of all that GOD has made. It is something that my mind really can't get a grasp on. I know for myself that I am on the internet alot and always on the phone but this morning I just took some time to just sit and be quiet and just mediate on his greatness. Sometimes GOD has to get me to just slow down and to just baske in his presence. He wants time with me but I have to stop. So lets just stop and praise him just for who he is and the majesty of his greatness.
As I go, mediate on this scripture from Psalm 19:1-4, " The heavens declare the glory of GOD, the skies proclaim the works of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world.

So lets just praise him not just for what he does for us but today I am praising him for who he is!!

It aint pretty when I get angry

This is one of the most hardest blogs that I have ever written but again GOD calls me to keep it real so here it goes. It aint pretty but it is where I am at today.

God has a way of getting my attention. Boy has he done that today! It does not really matter the situation but just to say that I have needed an attitude adjustment. You know those moods that as women we get in and if you stay there boy does it get ugly. Just been thinking negatively about some situations and well it got me into such a bad mood, tearful, and just pure anger. I got my feelings hurt when I never should have. Finally today after the LORD about hit me with a two by four I was so convicted of what the problem was and it was this I WAS NOT bending the knee in the situation. Well let me tell you that GOD has a way of bending it for me and well he did it.

So instead of being poor me and yada yada and yada again I have just made the decision to praise him. Things are not as bad as I allow my emotions to take me some times. I know that I am not the only one here. Instead of trusting in my feelings I am just trusting him. It says in Proverbs 3:5-6, " Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge him".

Well in my own understanding I live by what I feel than the TRUTH. In my own understanding I can focus on the pain and well just staying him. But by acknowleging him just doesn't mean that I know that GOD is there cause I do but doing what he calls me to do and it is this, Just trust me my child, I love you, and you are in the palm of my hand. I have made an indent on the very hand of GOD.

So on days like today that I feel lost and confused I again say to my Father, I love you, I am scared, and again I place my hand in his hand. Then he says, DUH! That is what I have been calling you to do all the while.

Sometimes I am so slow but I praise him for his faithfulness. I don't deserve it but I sure do need it!

What he has done!

Its Wednesday afternoon and I just thought I would send out a quick blog before I head out to bible study. I only have only one more week of my study on Esther by Beth Moore. This study has been so awesome. There have been some awesome things that I have learned but the main thing that has been going on in my mind is the reversal of destiny. Its something that has really been on my heart lately.

To say it simply that from what I come from really is not important but it is what GOD has brought me to. By looking at my life from a non spiritual point of view it would seem that I should be different to what I am. And its nothing that I have done and its all GOD. I have been in the pit from some of my own decisions and then from the decisions of others. GOD has really reminded me today especially not just what he saved me from but to.

Finally, I am so thankful for all that GOD has done in my life and the freedom that he has given me. What is on my heart right now is really seeking him of what he would want me to do. What is my purpose? He did not just save me from the pit for me to sit here and thank him for that and just stay there. I always want to be seeking him and be at his feet. That is what GOD is talking to me about right now, what about you??

The old ladies-Ha.. Just kidding

Today I spent the day with some ladies from my Sunday School class. They are so special to me. Actually my Sunday school class is called the Seekers Sunday School class. The ladies here range in age from 35(me) to women over 80. I joined this class last year and it feels so at home. I have known most of these ladies for years for this was the church I would come to when I spent every summer when I came to visit my mom's family. I feel at home with these ladies, they make me laugh and just have such a special place in my heart.
To be able to share our hearts with each other is so special to me. They are an ispiration to me. They really are an example of what I want to become as I grow older. Their wisdom in my life is so special. To be able to sit at their feet and gain their wisdom from living years for Christ is awesome.
I just wanted to take this time to thank them for their love and their example to me. They bring a special joy to my life, I thank GOD every day in rememberance of them.

Jeremiah 15:16
When your words came, I ate them;
they were my joy and my hearts delight;
for I bear your name,
O LORD GOD Almighty.

This is the scripture that I chose to memorize for the next two weeks as challenged by Beth Moore...
When his words came, I ate them. This really resinated with me. Ok, maybe it was the food thing but when I thought about really eating GOD's word that really hit me. Not the eating part but when you eat it goes to all your organs for nourishment and food is to sastify when you are hungry. Eating when you are not hungry is another subject but stay with me here.
I want GOD's word to me to get into every area of my heart, I want it to be my joy and delight. For as GOD's child I bear his name. To get my mind around that I bear his name. So often I fail short and this verse really convicted my heart about so many things.

May his word so change our lives. Lets stay in the word.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

What I haven't been doing..
1) I ate before exercising ( not a good thing)
2) Not working
3) Cleaning my house
4) Working in the yard
5) Ironing
6) Not studying
7) Not playing with my Kitten, Auria
8) Not being on facebook too much
9) Not talking with my family
10)Having a life!

What I need

This morning I awoke with a heart praying for those with burdens to bear today. God knows their struggles and in my own human thinking I have no idea what the answer may be but I do know what the answer may be. It says it Matthew 6:33, Seek ye first the kingdom of GOD and all these things will be added unto you". Seeking GOD and his ways does not mean that what I may want will happen but I believe it says that what GOD wants will be become mine. There are times in life with different situations happen that I don't know what I need but what I do know is that what I need is him. These lyrics are from a song called On my knees by Dennis Jernigan. These words speak to my heart today. So whatever you may need lets get on our knees and spend time today with our Father, he loves us so; I need him so much.



I don't know what I need
I need to get on my knees
When waves of doubt crash over me
I need to get on my knees
On my knees, I find refuge
On my knees, I find grace
On my knees, I can feel like meeting face to face
When I don't know what I need, I need to get on my knees

When I don't have strength to stand, I need to reach for your hand
When life feels sinking sand, I need to reach for your hand,
In your hand I find refuge, in your hand I find grace
In your hand I can feel you, like we are meeting face to face
When I don't have strength to stand, I need to reach for your hand

When life leaves with no choice, I must listen for your voice
When life confuses with their noise
I must listen for your voice
In your voice, I find refufe, in your voice I find grace
In your voice, I can feel you like we are meeting face
When life with no choice, I will listen for your voice

On my knees I find refuge
On my knnes I find grace
On my knees I can feel you like we meeting face to face
When I don't know what I need, I need to get on my knees

An Undivided heart

My memory verse for the next two weeks is Psalm 86:11 which says Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

So when I read this verse many thoughts enter my mind of how GOD teaches me. Then I think of what he has taught me and is continuing to do so. The thing is this that what GOD has been teaching me over the last few years is this, the only thing that can fill me up is him alone. Him and nothing else. Well I have gone to people, things, food, and other things to fill me up. This is a lesson I am praying to get not just to my head but to my heart. I have realized how easy it is to have a divided heart when I become so focused on what is going around me, above me, but what GOD is calling me is to focus on him and his continued work in my life. I am so easily distracted with life sometimes like we all are. Lately, I have really been distracted with my own stuff and then the heart aches of those I love dearly. My focus right now is having a undivided heart, really focusing on him. What I know more than anything is that I need him. I am hurting and confused about some things but GOD knows them, he understands it, and most of I am his child and he is teaching me his ways, the truth, and that is all I need. So the truth of life is this, GOD and his word, his ways. He is all I need, oh how I need him.

Valentines

This entry is late but it was written yesterday but I could not get to my internet so here it is…
So, today is Valentines Day! So, today is not a day that I am really into. Its not really cause of the choclate or the romantic connation to it but I thought what is the Christian view of it? So, I found this information from The Christian today magazine. The article is entitled, " Then Maybe don't be my valentine". So here it goes….

There are more tales of the "origins" of Valentine's Day than arrows in Cupid's quiver. As expected, most have something to do with pagan ritual (pretty much every holiday—from Christmas to Mother's Day—has something to do with pagan ritual). Four centuries before Christ, Romans had a day called Lupercalia. Without going too much into it, I'll sum it up as a sexual lottery. Pull names out of a box at random and couple with a young member of the opposite sex. After a year, you get to pick another nameBut apparently Christians didn't think the practice was all bad. They (Pope Gelasius, according to my source) liked the box idea, and so initiated a custom of drawing saints names out of a box. Whoever's name you drew, you were supposed to emulate for the year. Pity the poor person drawing Simeon Stylites, who spent his life on the top of a pillar, never leaving it for any reason.
But who is this Valentine guy, anyway? Probably he was a martyr buried on February 14 with little or no connection to the dispersal of romantic love. Nevertheless, there are legends.
One story is that Valentine was a priest who secretly performed marriages when Emperor Claudius II reportedly forbade marriage (in an effort to ensure he had soldiers without family ties). Another story says that he was a Christian imprisoned for his faith, and cured his jailer's daughter of blindness. The day before his execution (supposedly Feb. 14, 269), he sent a farewell message to the daughter signed "From your Valentine."
True or not (skeptics are forgiven), Valentine's Day has been a big deal at least since the Middle Ages. In his Pariliament of Foules, Geoffrey Chaucer adds another legend: "For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne's day / When every foul cometh ther to choose his mate." About that same time, the first modern valentines were produced. The first card was sent by Charles, duke of Orleans, to his wife in 1415 when he was a prisoner in the Tower of London. It's still on display at the British Museum. But as both stories demonstrate, even by the Middle Ages, the church's hope for a more spiritual, saint-centered Valentine's Day was lost. And eventually, the idea that Valentine was actually the name of a person disappeared. By 1450, a valentine was the name of one's sweetheart. In 1533, it was a folded piece of paper. In 1610 "valentines" were gifts given to sweethearts. In the 1800s it again meant messages exchanged by couples.
With so many definitions of the word, the next time someone asks you to be their Valentine, you might want to be sure they don't want you to be their martyr.

Auria Anne

Well, I have done what I thought I would never do, I have a cat! Her name is Auria Anne Russell. She is 6 months old and she is so beautiful. She loves to play and she just listens to me. Ok, I am on the verge of being in so in love with her. Why the post? Just how GOD does things in your heart that you never thought was possible. I never thought I would want a cat or any animal of that sort but when I saw her I was in love. Then I think of the Fathers love for me. He knew me before I was born, he created me. His love for me is so much more than I can ever express but to think and to even know that GOD loves me and gave his son for me is beyond my understanding. It may seem simple and not of great importance but I can tell you to know his love is to know him. I have experienced it in my own life. He saved me from the pit and I thank him for it.

Keep going!

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.


I have been on a journey the last 8 months of loosing weight physically but what GOD has started in me is removing those things that are holding me in bondage spiritually. There are those days that its a struggle to pick up my feet and just live life. Life is full of those struggles but when I look around me I can become discouraged because i am looking at the situation instead of keeping my eyes on the LORD. Keeping my eyes means my whole being upon him, letting him be my focus instead of myself and my own stuff. This point was hit home to me this morning as I was on the treadmill. I started looking down at the time and how much longer to endure this pain cause exercise is not always fun! But when I just looked ahead and not to the side or down but ahead did it become easier. Oh if I would just apply this to my walk with Christ. Its easy to look behind to see how good or bad things were but again GOD calls me to just look ahead. Not of what may happen but just on him.
So again I lay down those thoughts of negativity and just bad thinking and again I ask the LORD to just change my mind. Renewing of my mind! So, I am looking to my GOD who is my refuge, my sustainer, and just keeping my all upon him. Lets keep going for his honor!

Freedom

I can't believe that I am posting two days in a row but I just had to post. Today I went to a funeral service for a friend of mine's son who had died. He was a veteran. The service, the taps, and the whole thing really brought me to be so thankful for our veterans.
I don't think that as American we are not fully aware of the sacrifice that they have fought for our freedom. I work with veterans and I know some of the pain and hardache that they have endured both emotionally, physically, and spiritually. What they have seen and experienced is beyond anything you could imagine.
Let us thank our GOD for our freedom not just as Americans but for those who have called on the name of the LORD to be their Saviour and LORD. We have been set free. I have been set free from the pit and GOD did not save me from that to just keep me there.
So, As Kirk Franklin says in the song called Revolution, Woo-woo! Lets give our GOD some praise. He is worthy of it. Amen, amen, and amen.

What fills me up!

Is. 55:2
Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
This is the my Scripture memory verse for the next two weeks for me. It is really something that I know that GOD has brought me to. My journey right now is being obedient to him when it comes to my eating but more than that GOD is really teaching me what I am worshipping and following. Then when I read this verse, what really hit me right in the heart was about being sastified. When I eat, I do so cause I think I am hungry. But what am I hungry for? Beyond the food, what I want more than anything is the LORD to be in every area of my heart. I must be honest and say that sometimes what I go to fill me up is not the LORD and so often is has been food. So again I come before the LORD and asking him and thanking him for his work in my life. Again, I must stay real before him and be honest about what my struggle is. He knows my heart. In all that I do and say may my only delight be in you. May what fills my soul is you and your word. What you have to say and do in my life is beyond my understanding. What I know is this, I love you and my desire is to only hungry for you and your total abandoment in my life. I love you, I need you, I am nothing without you. The only thing that can fill that place in my heart that only you know about is you. May your word go into the very marrow of my being. Thank you LORD. I love you and I sure do adore you.

I had no idea

I had no idea that when I wrote Sunday's blog about anxiety and how the LORD was speaking to me of how much I would need it by Tuesday. You know that when you have those days that are full of anxiety and just in a bad mood well that was my day yesterday. What could go wrong at work did and well I did not respond as a Christian should. I said and thought things that were not right.
Then today I have been asking myself of what could I have done? Simply, I got off focus and just did not even seek the LORD about things. It does not really matter what happened or what I said but what does matter is that GOD got my attention. It says to be anxious of No-thang! Well i was not there yesterday but again the LORD is teaching me to just trust him. I am not there but I thank him for his continued work in my life.
It says in Philippians 4:6 , " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God".

GOD you know my heart and those things that are just between me and you I come to you seeking your face. May my desires be yours and make me into what you want me to be. May all I say and do be to your glory, AMEN.

Anxiety

Well anxiety is something that has been something that I been too well acustomed to. When I am anxious I am saying that ok God I don't trust you. Those are words that are so painful to say but that is what I am saying. The word says in Philippians 4:6 to be anxious about nothing but by prayer and supplication make your requests made known to GOD. When I think about nothing I remember going to a Women of Faith back in 2002 when Thelma Wells said to be anxious for NO-Thang! There is nothing that I can't go to my Father about that is not under his control. Then it says to pray about everything.
So the truth is, anything that I am concerned about my Father already knows and he wants me to to come to him. He loves me so. So right now God already knows my heart and he knows those things that I am concerned about. Everything is going to work out. Even though I know that it takes faith to do it step by step. So right now I think of my heavenly Father and I am taking my life and placing it in his hand. If there is anything that is in the way of that I ask that he would reveal it to me. I ask that as the potter he would mold me into what he wants me to be. All I want is him and that is really all I need. So, as I place my hand in his I may not know where he is leading me but I trust his ways for he knows best.
So right now no matter the concerns on our hearts may be just lay it before him.

Philippians 4:6 (Contemporary English Version)
6Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God.

Knowing him

Ok, I am in my 2nd week of doing the Esther Study by Beth Moore. I am so excited about this study but it goes beyond that. My desire would be not to just understand this story because the story of Esther is so interesting. Something in last week's video session that has had me thinking all week is that our past is our past. But its thorough our past that our destiny is woven thorough. For some time, there are things about my past that well I would love to forget. The pain of my past is something that I don't think about every day but its there. There is no need to talk about that pain of my past but I will say this. My childhood was filled with some hardships and pain that I can't even talk about at times but it was thorough this time that I was so desperate for relief that what I reached out was GOD. It was a long time after my childhood was over that this happened to me. I remember the pit that I was in. I remember the pain of it and some memories come to my heart on days that I wonder for a short time what would the reason be for it. The pit that I was in happened for several reasons but it was my GOD who resuced me. It was him that was the only lifter of my head when I could not even breathe. It was him who has called me for HIS purpose. So now I am at a time in my life that I want my life to make a difference. I want to be able to be a blessing to those who are in pain. I know the pit and I have been rescued by it! So, that is where I am at.
So, this bible study about Esther is going to change my life, that is my prayer. Every bible study that I have done has changed my life and I know this will be the same. However, I just don't want to do a bible study to do one. I am in bible study for the only reason so that I can know him. I am in this journey to know him.
So, this is my journey right now. I may think I know things but what I want to know is him, only him!

Psalm 27:4( Amplified Version)
One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.

His WORD

The last few weeks I have let some situations really overwhelm my mind. It does not matter what the situation is but what GOD is continuing to teach me is that he wants his glory magnified. Which means I really want GOD to get the praise in how I respond to things. So often I fail him and my prayer is that he would not just change how I act or respond but change how I feel. Oh can he do that, you bet! There was someone in my past that hurt me to the core and for years I would not forgive that person and well when I was in the deepest of a pit the LORD reminded me later of what he saved me from and I had no right to not forgive. So like I have said in other posts, I don't have it together and I never will. But I am on a journey to be all GOD wants me to be. Right now in my life I am in a struggle of just being at peace with some life situations and that is why I picked this verse to memorize. I feel like I am in the fire and at a time in my life that GOD is really teaching me to say hey this is what its about; just trusting him for everything. It may not make sense to some but what I do know is that GOD is daily refining me to what he wants me to be.

SO stay in the WORD for as our minds and hearts are renewed we are made more like him. He heals those areas that need his touch. I need him more than I can ever say.

1 Peter 1:7 (The Message)
6-7I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

Where I am

To begin with, when I started my blog in 2007 I determined that I would be real about my life and what I would say. I have really struggled over the last few days of what to say when in my heart I can even put into words.

My heart has been so heavy over the last week or so. For those who don't know my dad was laid off in November and he and my mom are really having it rough as well as many other Americans as well. My mom has MS and they both have physical illness'. For me to see my parents hurting is really the hardest thing that I can even imagine. I want to make it all better but in this situation there is nothing that I can do. Then those feelings of desperation and wondering how things are going to go. The more I worried about this situation the more desperate I began to feel. Then I just cried out to my GOD and just laid it out there. I in so many words said I don't understand this and well you got to take over! Well, duh! I have been trying to find ways to make things better for my parents when there is nothing that I can do. Then I just got into the WORD and really have been just in that place. Just because I am more focused on the LORD and his word has not made things so called better but what it has done is reaffirmed in my heart what this journey is all about. My faith is in him. He knows best. He is going to work it out. So, what am I going to do. I am holding on to my GOD very tight, I am not letting go! What I do know is that GOD is GOD and he is on the throne. He can see beyond what I can see. For his thoughts are not my thoughts. He knows best. But again this is not easy but this is a season in my life that the rubber meets the road as they say. So, I place my hand in his hand. And well he is leading the way. His WORD is truely what lights my way.
To be in a place that I am desperate for him is a good place to be. I don't want to ever get over all that my GOD has done. So my heart would be that as GOD reveals himself to me and that he would be glorified!

My season

I have been very reflectful over the last few weeks. Not just of what GOD has done in my life and my family's as well but really wondering what is his purpose for my life? I feel like I am at a standstill and don't know where the next phase of life is going to lead me. I really am seeking the LORD for what he has in store for me. So right now my heart is waiting on what he has in store. So, I stay in the WORD and seek him. It is hard though to wait. I am not a patient person and maybe that is the reason for it all. Even though I don't know what the next season of life is to be for me what I do know that the study of Esther by Beth Moore is what GOD has called me to do. It has so challenged my heart this week and really has had me asking some deep questions between the LORD and me. Something that Beth said this week on the introduction was dealing when you don't feel his presence. That is something that I have experienced and its really a difficult thing to describe. What I would like to say is that he never leaves us or forsakes us but for me that time in my heart was to really remind me of who my trust is in. Even when I don't see him, he is there. Even when I don't feel him, he is there. My feelings and emotions can always fail me and they do but my GOD has never failed me. So for me, this season of my life is based upon dealing with things as they are. I still have issues that I am struggling with but day by day its not really easier but GOD is daily teaching me to just accept things as they are. They may change or they may not but GOD is still GOD.
So what about you? You don't have to respond but really mediate upon the season of life that you are in and mediate upon him and what he wants you to not just know about yourself but what is GOD teaching you about him. For those who read my blog and I know who you are, I love you all dearly and I pray for you each and every day. Your love and encouragement means so much to me!


Psalm 84:2," How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living GOD.

The only thing I seek!

Psalm 27:4 (New International Version)
4 One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

My sweet bible teacher, Beth Moore has made a challenge for me and many others to memorize his WORD! So, twice a month I am memorizing two passages of scripture twice a month. I was overwhelmed and did not think that I could not do it. In my own power, I cant but thorough the power of the holy spirit. My desire is this that GOD and his word would so invade every area of my heart. So as his word says, one think I ask and this is what I seek to dwell in the house of the LORD forever. In his presence is great.
All these words sound great and all that but today I so became fustrated with the things of life and stuff! I was so discouraged because I felt I failed him because I got so fustrated with my things and life! Well, the LORD just spoke to me as only he can and reminded me of the work that he is doing in me and Satan is not happy about it. So, am I going to give up?? No way, I again place my hand in his hand. Above all in my life, all I want is him. To be in his presence that is my hearts desire. So stay in the WORD, pray, and just trust him. Oh to be like a child and trust him. That is what he is calling me to do! Life can sometimes stink but GOD is always good. He knows best and I am so glad that he does!!

Leaving 2008

Well I have thought most of the day of what can I say about 2008? So many things have happened that I don't even know where to begin! The year 2008 began with me moving into my aunt's house so that I could live with her while I was attempting to buy my 1st home! So many things the LORD taught me about himself and my outlook on so many things! He taught me that he was enough. He is the only source of anything in this world. During this time, GOD allowed me to really deal with some things of my past. During this time, it hit me right between the eyes of where GOD wanted me to be. I learned alot about my family during this time and I am amazed of GOD's faithfulness to me. I have a wonderful family of which I love dearly! They were with me every step of the way during this past year. Also, during this time I lived at my aunt's while I was getting my home, I was able to spend some special time with my grandma. She is so sweet and funny! She has been so sick this past year. But GOD in his mercies brought her back to health. She turned 80 years this past May and is doing so good now. She is able to get around and can do some things for herself. She keeps me laughing! Being able to spend time with her is another one of God's special blessings.
During this past year, I started back to school for my bachelors in nursing. It is going well and my brain cells are still intact so that is a good thing!
Even though I do love my home it is not where my joy lies. God has taught me many things but the thing that has resided in my heart is that he is enough. Simply said. Right now as I sit in my living room and I look around, I am so thankful of all that he has given me. The greatest joy is the LORD and his continued work in my life.
Also, during this past year there was a blog created by some of us that met on Beth Moore's blog. It has been a source of joy and a venue of growing closer to the LORD and each other. He is doing so many things.
So, as I leave you from 2008, I would say that God is my everything and the blessings of family and friends are just the icing on the cake! Blessings from me to you!!

Please pray

I come to you all today asking for prayer. Please pray for baby Stellan. You can read the blog for more info. http://www.mycharmingkids.net/
We know who the great physician is and know the power in prayer!!

What a day!

Today was a special day with my family. We had our family Christmas today with all of my cousins and their children along with my parents, aunts, and grandparents. It was filled with so many people that it was so overwhelming. But it was such a great day!
What I want to share is this. When we go to others to fill our cup we just end up empty. What brought this up, is that when all of my family is together I think about my Aunt June who passed away a few years back. The reason for this is that she was not only my aunt but we had a bond that I can't even express. She was the rock of our family or I thought so. I have thought alot over the last few days about her and the journey that my family has been on since her passing. Some memories are good and some are hard. I may cry just thinking about them. Something that GOD has been teaching me over the last two years is that when I go to others to fill my cup or if I base my support on them I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED EVERY TIME. I am trying to be real here when I say this. I am a needy person . My prayer this morning was that I would always stay desperate for GOD and what he has done in my heart. Only thorough him can my needs be met. It is he alone who can fill the cup of my heart.
Also, I cant keep basing my present situation on what he has done in the past. Those things are awesome but his purpose for me is to glorify him and keep on doing what he has called me to do!
The journey that I as well as those I love is one that is filled with hardships and joys for that is what the Christian life is all about but all I know to do is to pray and keep my all focused upon him. So, my heart is full of love for my LORD. He has been with me every step of the way. This is something that I will never get over. His faithfulness to me is never ending. Even when there does not seem a way out and I have no idea of where GOD is leading me what I do know is that MY GOD is good and his faithfulness is never ending.
So, as the new year approaches we can thank him for what he has done in the past but we can't stay there. We must look ahead and keep our eyes focused on the LORD. He has awesome things in store for us, I am ready! Are you?

Christmas Day

Today is Christmas day and so many memories have filled my mind today. I think of Christmas past of when I was a little girl back home. Ok, folks it was not that long ago. Ha! Things were rough growing up for me but looking back at it now I can see the LORD's hand in it all. I as well as those I love have had hardships but something that the LORD is really teaching me and reminding me is his hand in it all. He was there in the deepest pit of my pain and he was there. I just had no idea that he was there at the time. It is because of those deep areas of the pit that the LORD used those times to bring me to him. If it wasn’t of my desperation for him I don't know where I would be today.
I have been thinking of those people in my past that so influenced me and thinking of them brings a smile to my face. Some of those people at the time I had no idea of their influence at the time but because of their influence GOD used them to help me to direct my life in the way that it should go.
So, on today… Today, I have had the greatest opportunity to work. Ok, a little of sarcasm there! But seriously, my life is filled with so much right now that sometimes I am beyond words to describe my thankfulness to the LORD and those of my family and friends. So today, hold your GOD close, baske in his presence, and thank him for the blessings. Even though life is tough and it is my friends but my GOD who I serve is good. With all of the blessings of life even with those times that are filled difficulty GOD's greatest gift was the gift of his SON. The greatest present I ever received was the gift of eternal life and his PRESENCE forever!

Friends and Family

Of all that I have been given, I am so thankful first of all for my salvation that GOD gives. His freedom and hope in times like these are what truely sustains me.
So why the post today you ask? I am reminded daily of GOD's blessings to me and my friends and family are so special. First of all, there is a blog that I am apart of that is full of wonderful Christian women. GOD brought us together for his purpose. The way it came about is so awesome that I won't talk about it now but to just say that my siestas and you know your names are so special to me. We have had our struggles and hardships over the last few months but the neat thing is that even though some of us have never met we have encouraged and loved each other in a way that can not even be understood. What I do know is that these women are so special to me and I am looking forward to hopefully that in 2009 that some of us might actually get together! The bond between us is so special that I thank GOD every day for them.
Then my family.. There are too many to count but I thank GOD for my parents and my sister, Linda. We have had our struggles and even days that I did not know that we would even make it but today things are good. My parents are coming to see me for Christmas and my sister and her family are good. God has given me so many friends and family that mean so much.
At the end of the day, I thank him for being my GOD and Saviour. He supplies all of my needs and the icing on the cake is the love and support of all my friends and family.
I love you, all!

Scars

Well I was sitting at home tonight and the LORD really spoke to my heart about something. I was listening to Adrian Rogers who is one of my favorite pastors and preacher of the WORD. He has gone on to glory but thankfully he is still on and I was listening to him. Something he said is that we wonder why we must suffer but the question he posed to us and by the prompting of the HOLY SPIRIT is have I ever truely thought about of how my GOD suffered my the giving of his only SON. He did this willingly and without any reservation. He also talked about the scars that are still on his hands and this is to remind us of the price he paid. He also talked about the scars that some of us still deal with. He talked about how he and his wife Joyce lost a son and that was their " scar". The LORD used that scar to help others who were hurting but they would never been able to help anyone with this type of pain unless they had the scar themselves.
Then I was so overwhelmed with emotion when I think about my journey with the LORD. My scars are there and I sometimes think that they were like something that was there. But then the LORD reminded me again of that through my scars I have been healed. That thought is something that totally thrills my soul!
So, what about you? What is the scar on your heart. You have been set free but think about that and how GOD used that hardship or whatever in that you would be totally healed. Our healing is not always physically but when GOD heals us from the inside out, Oh what a blessing.

What I want

Over the last few days, my mind and heart has really been focused on Christmas. I in times past dreaded holidays for some of my memories of the holidays were filled with loss of loved ones. Especially because my Grandma Russell passed a few days before Christmas. I also had this idea of what the perfect Christmas or holiday should be. However, that never came to pass. What the issue has been for me, is that my focus was so wrong. However, the last couple of months the LORD has really begun to change my heart and really reforming my thinking on some things. So this year, its going to be a new thing. Instead of focusing on what I have lost, what I wish I had, etc. I have focused this year on the LORD. This season so far has been filled with so much love between the LORD and I. He has really spoken to my heart in a way that I can not even pen into words.
So, this year Christmas will be different. Not for the reasons you may think. I have to work and that is fine but the reason it is different is because the LORD has totally changed my heart about it. He is healing those hurts that I have held on for so long. This year I am able to form some new memories with my family. This is the 1st year in my home and I am so blessed for that. My home is a blessing from the LORD and I thank him for it. My parents are coming for Christmas and we are going to have our own family holiday. There may not be much under the tree but there is so much love in my heart not just for them but for what GOD has done in my heart.
So during this season, take some time with your family and friends and lets focus on the greatest gift of all, JESUS. Because of that gift, I have life forever. That is what I want. I want him and his presence every day.

Time Marches On...

I found out a few weeks ago that my former pastor from my home church is leaving. I was so sad at 1st but then thinking of my old church brought such special memories. It was thorough this church that I developed such special friends. The list of those who made a difference in my life goes on and on. Those who were special were me were so because they showed me what being a Christian is all about. They showed me love as a child and it is because of that love that I learned about the LORD. I had such special Sunday school teachers and then those in the church who loved my sister and I. There are so many to name and I won't even begin. But when I think of Riverside Baptist Church of Ft Myers, Fl; I have such special memories. I remember when we were in the old church before the new church was built on Tarpon Street of being baptized in the church and Bro Bill Love was there. I remember such pastors who preached the WORD of GOD. These pastors that still have a special place in my heart are: Bro Bill Love, Rev Perry Ellis, Bro Tony Chester. Then the music ministers that I hold a special place in my heart. Bro Larry Fuergson who passed away this past year as well as Steve Rogers. It was because of Steve Rogers that it was enstilled in me to use the gifts that GOD has given me. I remember in such special times of being at different ministers home and it was such a great time. My youth pastors are really what rocked my world as they say. It was during this time that I was saved. Darryl Flake as well Tony Chester were my youth pastors. They enstilled in me of being in the WORD and that working in the kingdom is more that doing things. The songs I learned as a youth is what I hold on today.
Even though I haven't lived in Ft Myers for over 17 years, I am so privilaged to know that I was raised in a church that believed what the WORD says and it also loved those there. Time goes on and now I am a member of a church where I live but I had the foundation of a solid background in the WORD. My homelife was hard but I was surrounded by love and GOD showed his greatness to me.
Tears flow when I think of those special memories.
Just when I thought that I was so alone during my childhood, when I think back I can see GOD's hand. What about you??

Desperate

When I hear the word desperate, so many things come to my mind. I used to think that I was desperate by wanting to be married and have the so called picked fence. But what I am desperate for is for the LORD To occupy every area of my heart. Without him, I am lost and nothing. I can't even take a breath without him. He is my everything. I love him and tears are flowing because I am always reminded of his awesomeness and so much more.
The song called Desperate for you by Michael W. Smith goes like this...

" This is the air I breatheYour holly presence, living in me This is my daily bread Your very word, spoken to me And I ........I'm desperate for you And I ........ I'm lost without you

This really what I am right now. Without my Heavenly Father I am lost without him. So baske in his presence let him fill those areas that need his touch. He is there, reach out to him.

That is all I know to say.

What I want to say is this....

What I want to say is this... So many things come to my mind, I could say of what is going on in my life but what I want to say more than anything is that I am reminded daily of God's blessing in my life. Every day that I am working as a nurse, I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for. I have my health, my mind ( ok not on all days); but more than that I have the LORD above in my heart and life. God has blessed me beyond measure. He has given me a purpose and that is to love and glorify the LORD above. He has given me so much. What I praise him for right now is the freedom that I have in him. He has brought me out of the pit more times than I can even count. He is my peace, my source of hope..
I thank him for my family especially my Mama, Daddy, sister, and my little nephews. When I look at the world thorough their eyes I am reminded again of what its all to be about. So right now for those who read this blog I pray that you hold those you love dear closer and thank the LORD above for it all.
I love you LORD and I lift my voice to worship you oh my soul rejoice.

I do love you LORD. I am unworthy of it but LORD I just praise you for who you are.

What the Season is All about

It doesn't seem to me that 2008 is on its way out of here. This past year has been filled with laughter, tears, rejoicing, and harships for not only me but for those I hold dear. But something that I thought about is that is what life is about.
Usually for me, holidays are very difficult for me. However, this year I really want things to be different. So, instead of focusing on myself and me, me, and me again of which I do on a regular basis I really have sought the LORD in this. So this year, I am focusing on the advent of Christmas. That is what Christmas is about. I have been blessed beyond measure and I have the LORD of hosts as my Father, MY Saviour, and my HOPE.
So here it is.. Advent... Just a little history about it.

Evergreens and The Advent Wreath
The Advent wreath is an increasingly popular symbol of the beginning of the Church year in many churches as well as homes. It is a circular evergreen wreath (real or artificial) with five candles, four around the wreath and one in the center. Since the wreath is symbolic and a vehicle to tell the Christmas story, there are various ways to understand the symbolism. The exact meaning given to the various aspects of the wreath is not as important as the story to which it invites us to listen, and participate.
The circle of the wreath reminds us of God Himself, His eternity and endless mercy, which has no beginning or end. The green of the wreath speaks of the hope that we have in God, the hope of newness, of renewal, of eternal life. Candles symbolize the light of God coming into the world through the birth of His son. The four outer candles represent the period of waiting during the four Sundays of Advent, which themselves symbolize the four centuries of waiting between the prophet Malachi and the birth of Christ.
The colors of the candles vary with different traditions, but there are usually three purple or blue candles, corresponding to the sanctuary colors of Advent, and one pink or rose candle. One of the purple candles is lighted the first Sunday of Advent, a Scripture is read, a short devotional or reading is given, and a prayer offered. On subsequent Sundays, previous candles are relighted with an additional one lighted. The pink candle is usually lighted on the third Sunday of Advent. However, different churches or traditions light the pink candle on different Sundays depending on the symbolism used (see above on Colors of Advent). In Churches that use a Service of the Nativity, it is often lighted on the fourth Sunday of Advent, the final Sunday before Christmas.
The light of the candles itself becomes an important symbol of the season. The light reminds us that Jesus is the light of the world that comes into the darkness of our lives to bring newness, life, and hope. It also reminds us that we are called to be a light to the world as we reflect the light of God's grace to others (Isa 42:6). The progression in the lighting of the candles symbolizes the various aspects of our waiting experience. As the candles are lighted over the four week period, it also symbolizes the darkness of fear and hopelessness receding and the shadows of sin falling away as more and more light is shed into the world. The flame of each new candle reminds the worshippers that something is happening, and that more is yet to come. Finally, the light that has come into the world is plainly visible as the Christ candle is lighted at Christmas, and worshippers rejoice over the fact that the promise of long ago has been realized.
The first candle is traditionally the candle of Expectation or Hope (or in some traditions, Prophecy). This draws attention to the anticipation of the coming of a Messiah that weaves its way like a golden thread through Old Testament history. As God’s people were abused by power hungry kings, led astray by self-centered prophets, and lulled into apathy by half-hearted religious leaders, there arose a longing among some for God to raise up a new king who could show them how to be God’s people. They yearned for a return of God’s dynamic presence in their midst.
And so, God revealed to some of the prophets that indeed He would not leave His people without a true Shepherd. While they expected a new earthly king, their expectations fell far short of God’s revelation of Himself in Christ. And yet, the world is not yet fully redeemed. So, we again with expectation, with hope, await God’s new work in history, the second Advent, in which He will again reveal Himself to the world. And we understand in a profound sense that the best, the highest of our expectations will fall far short of what our Lord’s Second Advent will reveal!
The remaining three candles of Advent may be associated with different aspects of the Advent story in different churches, or even in different years. Usually they are organized around characters or themes as a way to unfold the story and direct attention to the celebrations and worship in the season. So, the sequence for the remaining three Sundays might be Bethlehem, Shepherds, Angels. Or Love, Joy, Peace. Or John the Baptist, Mary, the Magi. Or the Annunciation, Proclamation, Fulfillment. Whatever sequence is used, the Scripture readings, prayers, lighting of the candles, the participation of worshipers in the service, all are geared to telling the story of redemption through God’s grace in the Incarnation.
The third candle, usually for the Third Sunday of Advent, is traditionally Pink or Rose, and symbolizes Joy at the soon Advent of the Christ. It marks a shift from the more solemn tone of the first two Sundays of Advent that focus on Preparation and Hope, to a more joyous atmosphere of anticipation and expectancy. Sometimes the colors of the sanctuary and vestments are also changed to Rose for this Sunday. As noted above, in some churches the pink Advent candle is used on the fourth Sunday to mark the joy at the impending Nativity of Jesus.
Whatever sequence is adopted for these Sundays, the theme of Joy can still be the focus for the pink candle. For example, when using the third Sunday to commemorate the visit of the Magi the focus can be on the Joy of worshipping the new found King. Or the Shepherds as the symbol for the third Sunday brings to mind the joy of the proclamation made to them in the fields, and the adoration expressed as they knelt before the Child at the manager. If used on the fourth Sunday of Advent, it can symbolize the Joy in fulfilled hope.
The center candle is white and is called the Christ Candle. It is traditionally lighted on Christmas Eve or Day. However, since many Protestant churches do not have services on those days, many light it on the Sunday preceding Christmas, with all five candles continuing to be lighted in services through Epiphany (Jan 6). The central location of the Christ Candle reminds us that the incarnation is the heart of the season, giving light to the world.

Got me thinking

Happy Thanksgiving to all.
I was reading a blog this morning that talked about being thankful and being so for things that you really are not thankful for. For example, things that have caused us pain such as death of a loved one, divorce, etc. I read most of the responses and my heart hurt for them. Then I thought of what I have been holding on to and not letting some things go. I think of my sweet Aunt June today. Its been two years since she passed away but I think about her every day. I so wish that she was here and I am sure she DOES not feel the same. I hate that this pain of loosing her is still with me. I wish that I had it " all" together but I do not. But what I do know is that my Father loves me still.
So right now, I am being real before not just who reads my blog but to my GOD. There is so much pain and heartache for those around me and those I love but Jesus I do love you. I don't understand but I do love you. I ask that today you would show yourself to me in a way that I can never understand or express.

Psalm 86
1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
3 Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long

Being Thankful

Ok. So here it goes. This is the time of year that its " drilled" into our heads about being thankful but what about this, how can GOD really teach me to be thankful each day and not at this time of the year?
This thought has been at my heart the last few days. I have SO much to be thankful for not just of my total 100% freedom in CHRIST, wonderful family, friends but more than that GOD has taught me more about himself this past year than I even know how to even pen the words. This past year has had its hard times but then there have been times of rejoicing.
Whatever I have experienced I can tell you my friends that my GOD has always been there.
Something that I must express is that I can even remind myself of the times that I have failed the LORD. I do this on a daily basis. I admit it and again the LORD teaches me more and more about him.
Of all that I have to be thankful for, I pray that the spirit of thankfulness would be each and every day. During this past year, every hardship and struggle my GOD has showed up each and every time. The outcome I admit would be nothing that I would ever expect but that is why I am not him!
Finally, what I am focusing on today is not just what GOD has saved me from but what he has saved me to do. Life goes on and I can not stay focused on what he has done in the past. Oh those things are important but the purpose that GOD has on my life is to continue until I take my last and final breath.
So today, hold those you love close and let them know you love them. That is what I am going to do. My family means so much to me. They are so special to me. My friends who read my blog. You know who you are, I love you dearly. Lastly but of the greatest importance is my GOD who knows my journey and yet still loves me.
BE thankful and blessed!

My Daddy

I don't know where you are all at tonight but my heart is with my dad tonight. I am a daddy's girl and I am glad to be that. My dad lost his job a few weeks back and I am just praying that he will remain strong and that GOD would bring about the job that he needs. God knows my parents needs better than I do. My dad visited with me last weekend and it was a time of just being with my dad. It was so special and I had a great time. My time with my dad brought some memories back that brought a smile to my heart. I remember when I was a little girl and I would always want to talk to my dad. I could tell him anything and he knew my heart better than anyone. I made some mistakes and said things as a teenager that I wish I could take back but life goes on. My dad has always supported me and has been one without even saying a word. He is a true man of GOD. God has done some awesome things in his life but that is his story to tell. I will say this that my dad has had his journey with GOD and it has always inspired me. This does not mean that I don't love my mom because I do but my relationship with my dad is special.
Something that GOD is teaching me again is to just trust him. Even though I think that my dad is near perfect ok HE IS NOT but my heavenly FATHER IS and he knows my heart and me better than that. He is speaking to me lately about just trusting him not for any other reason but because he is GOD. I read Psalm 62: 8 and it spoke to me. It is what I am holding on to.

Psalm 62: 8
Trust in him at all times ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.

What I need

What do I need? I have been blessed with so much that I don't need anything but what I am desperate for is for GOD. Without him, I would not ever want to think where I would be.
MY God is more than I can ever comprehend, his goodness and faithfulness is more than I can ever express. What I do know about things is that my GOD is bigger than the struggle that is before me right now. Its so easy to look at this situation and not see anything postive out of it but what I do know is that I want GOD to be glorified thorough it. However, right now I am not there. My heart hurts and the pain in my heart can't even be described into words. However, there is something that I must share right now. I have been in the pit more times than I care to count. I have been so afraid that I would be right back in that pit because you know what? Satan wants me there. He wants me to go back where I was resuced from. But, I have been set free.

I am redoing the bible study of Daniel by Beth Moore and GOD again is using it again to teach me that HE IS GOD and that it aint all about me. I am learning more and more about him. He shows me his faithfulness and his awesomeness in ways that I can never express.

So right now, I am honest before my GOD that I am hurting and he knows it anyway. Just because of my pain and issues does not mean that GOD is not GOD. He knows my heart and loves me anyway. So above all I need him. I love him. I adore him.

Psalm 46: 1-4 is my prayer

1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.

Wanting him

Ok. I have been going through a journey the last few years. There have been ups and downs. There are things that are apart of my life that I just need to accept them as they are. I would love for them to be different and I have done all I know to do to change them. That however, is the problem. Its all been about me and my own strength. This past week I just broke down. I cried and I grieved the whole situation.

Something that GOD has been teaching me is just trust him. But today its more than that. My dad is visiting me and its been a great time together. I am a daddy's girl and proud! He told me something that may seem simple to some but he said he wanted to spend time with me. This really hit my heart. Not that my earthly father loves me but that my heavenly Father does. All he wants from me is for me to know that he wants to spend time with me. In the midst of it all that all I want is him. I want him more than anything. Even as I write this post I am overcome by the love of my Abba, my Daddy. I want him and his desires to be mine. My desire would be that he would change my mindset about any and all that is not of him. Finally, my desire is to be what he wants me to be. What I want to be is a totally 100% devoted in love with my GOD. Am I there yet? No way, will I ever be? No way.. But I am on that journey. That is what I want. I want you LORD.

Lord, I love you, I adore you. You are mine. I am unworthy of your love but you are mine. I love you , I adore you, I worship you.
You were there when I was so alone. You were there with me in the pit. And you are still here. You are my Saviour and my GOD. Again, I lay my all at your feet. I adore you, Father. I am yours...

Laura

Panting for HIM

Well this morning my heart is all over the place! Not a big suprise for anyone who knows me! Right now I am sitting in my chair and looking out my back yard and knowing of how blessed I am! Not only do I have a new home and all but I can look at God's creation and now that I know who is in control. God's love and mercy to me is too much to even try to pen down.
I have hurts and struggles just like anyone else, but the WORD I am today is from Psalm 42:1. This is my desire.
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

When I thinking of panting, I remember a old dog of my grandaddy's panting for water cause he was so thirsty. That is where I want to be. That dog knew what would sastify him and it was nothing that he could do. So often, there is a problem or issue and I think ok how can I handle this? That is so often the problem. God again is calling me to just trust him. Let him be the BIG DOG per say. So my hearts desire today is GOD and nothing else. I want him in every part of me. I just want him.
I thank him for the blessings that he has given me. I am thankful for what he has brought me to. So right now, just really remember all that GOD has given us. We have been given so much. So, I should be so thankful. Am I there? No way, but its my desire.

Whom am I going to trust?

After reading alot of blogs and then considering what my emotions have been through the last few days I must really be honest here. I really must apolize to my GOD 1st and then those that read this because I have been so down and depressed the last 24 hours because of the election.

Then I was reminded again by reading some blogs and by the proding of the HOLY SPIRIT of what my trust has been in. Do I trust man, myself, or the most high? By my actions it may seem that I was trusing in myself. Trusting in myself has gotten me in trouble in more ways than I can count. I can't seem to get this truth to my heart. All that God is teaching me and wants me to do is to trust him. Again I failed him because I didn't trust in him. Knowing that I have disappointed my Heavenly Father hurts my heart more than I can express. But today, I feel such peace that I can't explain. Things may be bumpy ahead but you know what? I know the leader of the boat! It aint no man but the most high! So again, like a child I run to my Father and lean into his chest and sit at his feet.

So my dear friends, this blog is my journey. I pray that you will stay in his presence. Stay in the WORD. Let him alone be the desire of your heart. My prayer is that always GOD would change the desires of my heart to HIS DESIRES.

I love you, LORD.

As the deer pants for the water so my soul longeth after you. You OH LORD are my heart's desire and I long to worship you. You Oh LORD are my strength my SHIELD. You Oh LORD does my spirit yield. You Oh LORD are my hearts desire and I long to worship you.

Today's news

Today's news…

Ok, I don't plan to write about my own personal political views for some don't agree with me and really that has never been the focus of my blog. My focus has been to be really open and be able to write down my journey with the LORD. My life is not politics but what it is about is praying.
The new president has been elected and no matter how I or anyone may feel, the thing to continue to do is to pray. God is still GOD and he is on the throne. Sometimes I feel hopeless but you know what that is what Satan wants me to think. Things may seem scary but my only hope is in Jesus Christ alone.
Right now God has been speaking to me all day about really staying focused on him. There has been a struggle that I have faced and that is the problem right there. The problem is this; I think that they are my struggles. Ok, not a smart thing to think. They are not my struggles but they are an opportunity for God to show his greatness. So, the thing is this, am I going to trust that no matter the situation or whatever that I am going to place my 100% trust in GOD and let me really wait to see God's greatness? So right now, God's WORD is what I am feasting on. His word is only the only thing that sets me free. His WORD is life to me.
Things may not turn out what I may want or even think but My GOD is still GOD. He is still the same, yesterday, and today. Life is hard but God is good. So right now, baske in his presence and let him be my EVERYTHANG!!
Right now, God is again calling me to listen to his voice but how can I listen with everything blaring around me. So right now I quiet down and really focus on him. I love him and I desire that GOD will change me from the inside out.
Ephesians 6:10-18 from the Message bible says what is on my heart today.

And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything to the MASTER has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. There is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life or death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
Be prepared, you're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon that God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this on going warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each others spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Prayer

Prayer. What a concept. God again is calling me to pray. Today, my heart is filled with so many emotions that I don't even know where to begin.
My sweet friend Sheryl is someone I met on the sista blog and he has brought about such a sweet friendship. Anyway, she has some medical issues of which have been a struggle for her. However, in the midst of it all she has continued to keep her eyes on the LORD. She had some more tests this week and she got the results today and everything is ok! Some may say, it couldn't be GOD. But I say it WAS GOD. God still does listen to his children and he still performs miracles.
Another person that I have " met" on the blogging world was told that her son would not likely make it to life. Well she gave birth this week and the baby is health 100%. PRAYER CHANGES THINGS.
Then my mind goes to my dad. He was laid off this week. It has so affected him in so many ways and not just the finanical ways. He cares for my mom who has MS and well he has his hands full. The thing is that I just don't understand and you know what after praying alot today THAT IS OK. I don't understand why but what I do know is that MY GOD is bigger than any of it. He will and has always provided.
However, just because GOD does not answer the way we like does not mean he doesn't. But that does not change my mind of not to ask. HE is GOD and I am his child. Enough said.
Then again, I ask the question of what is GOD trying to teach me? Again, to just trust him. Not to look at the situation but look to him. Not just believe in GOD but BELIEVE God. That is what I am doing. Staying in the WORD. Pouring out my heart to him. Asking him to reveal himself to me.
So, as I am about to sign off for now I ask that you pray for our country as well. No matter of your political afflication I ask that you pray that GOD's man would be put in. So often as Americans we have turned our backs on GOD and as Christians we are just as much to blame. We have not stood up for what is right. So speak up, VOTE. Pray. That is what God has called us to do.
This is what the WORD says:
2 Chronicles 7:14 (New International Version)
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

What do you know?

I wish I could say that I felt like everything was good but in my emotions I feel that things are out of control and then my emotions do get me in trouble from time to time. Instead of trusting in GOD and his total control of things, I again trusted in my ownself. Let me tell you, it gets me into trouble everytime. Again I set my focus on GOD.
The thing is this, when I look at the situation and how it " looks" this is when I get into trouble. So...I don't understand why my dad got laid off from his job. What I do know is that GOD always meets the needs of his children. I do know that GOD is faithful when I am not. I do know that GOD again is trying to teach me to just trust him. Again, I lay myself before him.
I again fail him but what I do know is that the work begun in me won't be complete until he comes back.
I do know that I am his child, he is my Father. I do know that I fail him and I am so thankful for his great love for me. I do know that I love my GOD, I do know of his love and mercy, and lastly I do know that my GOD is bigger than what my eyes may see...
What do you know?

Back to normal?

Today life is I guess going back to normal. I had a great vacation but its time to get to do the normal life things. Something though that I don't want to change is my determination to stay focused on GOD and his word. I was really reminded during this time away to really focus on him. So often I look at the cirmustances instead who is in control of things. Right now I am in a process of letting some things go. Some things are what they are. I would love for them to be different but GOD has not decided for them to be so. So, the question goes again who am I going to trust? My emotions, my sense of independence, or the LORD GOD? It may seem like a simple one and it really is. I walk away from trying to be in control and thinking I am is so not smart. Again, I lay myself before you OH GOD and place my hand in his hand, basking in his presence. Life does go on my Father but I never ever want to get over what you have done for me. Not only did you give me eternal life by the cross and the resurrection but you have given me freedom. I don't quite get it about the freedom that you have given me.I am so thankful that the work you began in me will continue until the day you return. I am yours, I love you.

Do you have those days?

Well, I am finally home. It was a great vactation. I was hoping to see my blog friend Vicki on the way home but it did not work out.
I have really been thinking alot of how much that my GOD and I have been through. It has been a journey and it has been filled with hurts as we all have had. I was reminded Wednesday of a pain that I thought was " taken care of". It does not really matter what it is but what does matter is the question that GOD brought to my heart today. Am I going to trust him? Am I going to believe who he says he is?
There are only two ways to go from here. I can trust him or I can not. So again, with tears and a hurting heart I hold on to my Father's hand. This pain that I am experiencing is something that is so hard but what I do know is that MY GOD is going to take care of it. He will and has always protected me. Is this easy? No way, but I know no other way. MY GOD has always come through and he will again. It may not be my way but that is why he is GOD and I an not.
" Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge him and he will give you the desires of your heart".
So, what are your desires? What do you want?
What I want more than anything OH LORD is you. This world and its stuff can't offer me anything but you OH GOD give me peace that I can't even understand. There are things that we think we may need but what I need more than anything is you, Jesus.
I love you.

What do I know?

What do I know?
Driving through the north carolina mountains today and seeing the leaves change brought something to my heart that I would like to express. I have as you all been through some struggles and some good times as well during the last few months and something has been the same. God and his faithfulness. He has remained the same. Oh there are times when I am faithful and then there are times that I don't even know what to say or think. But what I do know is that my GOD is bigger than any of the hardships that anyone is going through.
So right now, where ever you are at. Worship him, adore him.
What he is doing in me today is reminding me of his greatness. HE is GOD.
The weather is cooling off, the leaves are changing colors but my friends isn't it awesome that GOD is never changing. I am glad for that, what about you?

Made it!

Well to anyone who might care to know I am on vacation in the beauty of North Carolina!
I made it here without getting too lost. God is so good. His beauty and creation is so awesome.
I have a prayer request that I would like anyone who reads this blog to do. I can't reveal the name but God knows it. It is someone in my family that I am wanting a relationship restored. This person continues to slam the door in my face. I am asking for peace and that for GOD to reveal what I should say and pray.
Thanks again.

Being accepted

Today I awoke with some of those old fears of acceptance and listening to the message that Satan likes to tell me that I am unloved and those old demons of depression hit me to the floor. I have so much to be thankful for and I am so loved more than words can say. I have tried to write this blog today since early this morning and I thought that maybe I shouldn't. But then in my spirit I can sense the Holy Spirit reminding me to be real before him. Then I got on my knees and just prayed. Then I opened my bible and did my study for today. I am doing a bible study by Prisicilla Shrier called He Speaks to me. Today's lesson was about HIS acceptance. That sure did hit me right between the eyes! The first thing that was asked was do you want to hear from God? I said oh YEA. Then the next question was to then get the focus off you.. OUCH! So when I lement to myself that I feel unloved, unaccepted, or whatever again I am focusing on me and my own needs. What Satan wants to do is to keep me feeling condemened and then I won't hear from him or be able so. It then continued to ask what makes you accepted? Ok, I know this may sound elementary to some but this hit me again. But what makes me acceptable is not who we are but WHOSE we are.
We are children of the KING if we have accepted him as LORD and Saviour! How can I even think that I am not loved? Its a lie of the the evil one to think that I am not loved. There is nothing in me that makes me worthy of anything but through the blood of CHRIST I am. When that got into my spirit, I felt release.
So today, I ask you my friends to be real not in front of me or anyone else but be real before our Father. Tell him your concerns, fears, or whatever. He knows it anyway!
Hebrews 10:19," By accepting the perfect sacrifice of Jesus for the remission of sins, we can have confidence to enter the holy place".

All about me!

For those who aren't on the sista blog this is my testimony. I am not bragging but just want to share what my GOD has done in me. Praise his name!

HI, my name is Laura. I am 35 years young!!
I was born and raised in what you would call a CHRISTIAN home because I went to church since I was weeks old. My journey with God is filled with challenges but Sister GOD has always come through! He has used every pain and hurt for his glory! He has set me free that I would only worship him!

Even though I was raised in a Christian home did not make me a Christian. I was a good girl but not saved. However, when I was 20 years old and I was at a revival at my church when it hit me that I was not a Christian. Oh, I was a good girl and always wanted to be good but never could quite get there. I accepted Christ as my personal LORD and Savior in 1993. I wish I could say that I did what God called me to do but I cannot. My journey was one of doing what I wanted to do and being disobedient for a number of years. I left the church and my family for some years because I stayed in the pit and I had no idea of how to get out. Then in September of 2000, I was brought to my knees by some life situations. This is when things got serious between the LORD and me. I got things right and I began my journey of being in the WORD. God placed within my heart a hunger for GOD and his WORD that I cannot quite get over yet. God is always teaching me something new and awesome about him. AM I there yet? No way but daily GOD reminds me again of who he is and who I AM NOT. I have done most of Beth Moore studies and right now, I am presently doing a study about hearing the voice of GOD. What I would say to my sisters, is to stay in the WORD. When I get off focus, it is because I decide to keep the focus on me instead of GOD and his WORD.

I am the oldest child of my parents and I have one younger sister Linda who has two children David and Michael. I was born and raised in Ft Myers, Fl and I moved to the BIG city of Lake City, FL in June of 1991. What I would say is that I have been in that pit. Those memories of the pit are still with me because the LORD wants to remind me what he brought me from TO. That is my focus. Praise GOD for what he has brought me to. I moved here to care for my great-grandmother. She passed away in 1992 but I decided to stay here. For its home. My grandparents with many other aunts, uncles, cousins live close by. I help care for my grandmother who has colon cancer. She is in remission of which I praise his name. My aunt who I was very close to died back in June 2006. This was another pivotal time in my life. She was someone that I looked up to and loved like a mother. She was a wonderful Christian person but GOD again taught me of where my faith and trust had been in. Her life again just directed me to my GOD. How awesome is that! I miss her daily and I think about her so much. I am still grieving her loss but daily GOD sustains me.

I am a RN and I work at a hospital here in my hometown of Lake City, Fl. I have been a RN since 2006 and I was an LPN for 10 years before that. My calling I believe is to care for others. I can be the hands of JESUS. That is my mission. I am attending online for my bachelors’ in nursing. My goal is to have my master’s in nursing. My hobbies are reading Christian fiction and vegging. I spend a lot of time on my computer. A good day for me is to spend time with my family/friends, a good book, and lastly a good nap!

I am single and right now, that is what GOD wants for me. I wonder from time to time, what my life would be like if I was married but something that GOD is teaching me is to just trust him. We all have our journeys with our own stuff but I am so thankful that GOD is with me in this life called my journey!

I am so honored to be able to tell you my story. I am excited that as we grow close to GOD and each other oh the WORK that will be done in us. Praise his name, he is awesome!

Failed again!

Today I failed him. I got up this morning and I overslept and then it was off to work! I walked into the nursing station and things went nuts from there! I got upset about something and then I became so angry! There is a personal issue that I am dealing with and well I just have been upset all day. Then it hit me as I came home and prayed. I did not even talk to GOD about things. I tried again to handle things and well things did not turn out ok.
I have been praying since I got home and I just hate that I did not start my day with him. Again and again the LORD is trying to teach me to just trust him. Let him guide me.
So, this is my blog and my journey. I wish that I had all things together but let me TELL you that aint today! What I do consider so great is that GOD still loves me and he calls me his own. I love my GOD more than I can express. He is it for me. He understands me better than I can ever express. So, right now, I am focusing on him, adoring him. So many things enter my mind right now but what I am focusing on is that GOD is bigger than anything and that he has and always will com thorough. Do I have it all together? No way and never will. But right now I again place my hand in his hand. I am holding on to my daddy's hand and thankful that he is leading the way. I would never want to think where I would be without him!

Dealing with Things

Good morning!
Its 10a on Friday and the LORD really spoke to me this morning. My time with him was sweet and again the struggle that I am having when it comes to my weight is here again. Its something that I have been dealing with and then it hit me that is the whole issue. Again, I placed the focus upon myself instead of not allowing GOD to be the one to deal with things. It may seem simple to some but again God is calling me today to be real and honest before him. Do I really want that food more than him? Is there anything I want more than GOD? Now, I could be self-righteours in my response and say well no. However, I know that anytime I go to anything else beside God to fill me well I am using it as an idol, a fake GOD. Now, those words really hit me right between the eyes. God is GOD and he demands my 100% devotion so again I lay before my LORD and release everything that I may be holding back to him. So, my focus is today is to be real before him, seek him with a heart that is totally devoted to him. Keep him the main thing. No matter what is going on around me, I will trust in him. Do I know or understand the plans? Oh know but what I do know is that my GOD is bigger than the struggle, he is bigger than anything.
So, today I am in the WORD. I am not just reading it but I want him and his WORD to change every part of me. My focus today is Psalm 42. May his WORD not just be something I cross off a list but oh LORD engrave it on every area of my heart.
I am yours, I love you.

Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Its All about You

This is my heart tonight. My heart and thoughts have been burdened down with things. Tonight as I go to sleep Oh Lord, hear my heart. Its all about you. Forgive me for not trusting you and not focusing on you. Oh LORD, I love you, I adore you. I lay myself at your feet. I love you, I thank you for being GOD. You are never changing.

These words come from a song called Its All about you by Kari Jobe. These words are my heart tonight. Whatever your mind is on tonight, really turn it aside and just focus and worship on GOD alone. He is worthy of our praise!




Jesus.. Lover of my soul,
All consuming fire is in Your gaze,
Jesus, I want You to know,
I will follow You all of my life,
There's no one else in history is like You,
And history itself belongs to You,
Oh,Alpha and Omega, You have loved me,
And I will share eternity with You,

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me
As in You should do things Your way;
You alone are God and I surrender,
You alone are God and I surrender,
You are alone are God and I surrender.. To Your will


Jesus.. Lover of my soul,
All consuming fire is in Your gaze,
Jesus, I want You to know,
That I will follow You all of my days,
No one else in history is like You,
And history itself belongs to You,
Oh,Alpha and Omega, You have loved me,
And I will spend eternity with You.

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all this is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me (no Lord)
As in You should do things my way,
Yo alone are God and I surrender;


It's all about You, Jesus,
And all is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me, As if You should do things my way,
You alone are God and I surrender (You alone)

Oh, You alone are God and I surrender (You alone)
You alone are God and I surrender
You alone are God and I surrender
Ohhh, You alone you are God and I surrender

I have been really wanting to say something on my blog for the last few days but my heart has been full of just some changes that God is doing within me. I am on a journey of being all that God wants me to be. Its a life long journey. So today, my heart is just tired of the battle that my heart is fighting when it comes to food. I have lost some weight of which I praise God for. But there is that hold that it still has on me. Instead of thinking about God and really focusing on him, my focus has been on food and what I get to eat next. I wonder what my heart would be like if I would take that devotion that I have had on food and place it 100% on the LORD?
I am being real and honest here. This is the purpose of my blog. I can't just say the " right" answers and expect a change to happen. But for me, I have to be real with myself and more than that GOD. The lesson time and time again that God is teaching me through this stage in my life is to just trust him. It may sound simple but for me I have been holding on way too hard. So right here and now in the quiet of this moment, LORD I release all that I have been holding on instead of you. You know the pain of my heart. When I thought that I was alone I was not. You have and will always be there.
What matters most to me oh GOD is you. I desire for you to remove anything that is not of you. Renew my thoughts, help me to change my outlook.
May I Oh God not just read your WORD and then say ok. But God, may I allow it to get into the very marrow of my being. May it change me from the inside out!


22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

My Journey with My Father

I am going through a time in my life that I know God is again asking me to trust him and to accept things as they are. He wants to change me. But I have been holding on to the pain and wanting to know why. Why the pain, what have I done to deserve this? Then my mind goes to the thought why not you? What is so different about me?
However, I know that God is refining in me to just trust him. Do I like this struggle right now, no way! But what I am doing is holding on to my Daddy's hand. Spending time in his word and having that WORD so change my heart and mind. That is where I am in my journey with my Father.
SO I ask you today, where are you at? Again God is calling us to cry out to him and then listen to what he is calling us to do. I can't say what God is calling you to do but for me he is calling me to just trust him.
Tears flow because right now I feel overwhelmed of my Father's love and faithfulness. Do I deserve it? No way, but I just right now praise him for who he is!

Let these words really hit your heart. Its called the more I seek you by Kari Jobe


The more I seek you the more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup at your hand,
lay back against you and breathe and feel your heart beat
This love is so deep its more that I can stand
I melt in your peace its overwhelming

The way things are

My heart today is full of God's peace and the only I know how to express it is that God has so revealed himself to me. I have been experiencing a struggle with an issue that I have been trying to understand and get a grip on. Its something that I need to forgive and let God have total reign with. I have tried to understand in my mind and well since my mind is dense anyway how can I get it?
Today, though God awoke me early and really begin to speak to me. Through bible study and prayer I was reminded again what he is trying to teach me. He wants me to just believe him. This may sound easy but its not. There are issues that we all face and when I try to understand them or even try to fix them it just turns into a mess. What God again is teaching me is to just trust him and to accept things for what they are. There are situations that I can't change but my God can.
In sunday school, we are studying about Hannah and the struggle she faced for she wanted a child. I have not experienced this situation but we all know what it is like to want something and it not be and how hard this is. What God really spoke to me about today, Accept things for what they are and leave the work to God. Are things different because of this mindset? You bet, I don't have to carry the burden of trying to make everything right and good in my world. What I can do is pray and really cry out my heart to him. He knows my heart and he knows my heart even better than I can express.
So, when you accept things for what they are oh what peace.

The words to the song Resurrection by Nicol Spondberg are my heart today. Do I cry and do I hurt? You bet I do and I am today. But my God knows my heart and he loves me just the same.



I'm at a loss for words, there’’s nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I'’ve used up all my strength and there’’s nothing left to give
I'’ve lost the feeling and I'’m down to the core
Can'’t fake it anymore

Here I am at the end I'’m in need of resurrection
Only you can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I'’ve lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand and make me whole again

I'’m at a loss for words, there’’s nothing to say
I'’ve used up all my strength and there’’s nothing left to give
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Can'’t fake it anymore

Here I am once again I'’m in need of resurrection
Only you can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I'’ve lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand and make me whole again

You can take the pieces in your hand and make me whole again

Where you at?

My heart tonight is really at a place that I don't even know how to describe. I have been struggling today with who am I going to follow when it comes to eating things that my body shouldn't be consuming. This may seem like to some that I keep dealing with this but I am so digusted with myself. I have failed the LORD. That is something that even right now brings tears to my eyes.
The issue is this... trust. I know what it is but like it says in Romans I do what I should do even though I don't want to do it. Does it make sense, no! So I have allowed Satan to beat me down all day today. The thoughts that he told me went from I am not worth it and you are not loved. Boy, that seems to be Satan's tool with me. Then I sat down in my chair and the LORD revealed something to me. I am worth it not because of anything I have done but becaue of who HE is. He is the I AM. He is everything. My Abba does love and I am his. So tonight I ask you to really ask who do you trust? For me, I love the LORD more than I can express. But knowing I feel defeated in this area just does not hurt me but it must hurt my Father even more.
That is where I am at tonight.
So, right now wherever you are at, close your eyes. Baske in his presence. He loves us. I love him. I adore him.

What I need

Hello to all! Its rainy and wet here but just felt the need to blog!
I will be honest in my words today. For those who know me, know that I love to laugh and have a good time. I love life! But today, I have the desire to be real before you all. I have been really struggling with lonliness and depression lately. OK, I have been dealing with it for years now. If you have never dealt with depression then you really can't know my heart with this.
I know all the right answers as well as those who deal with this. What God is teaching me again and again that he is enough. He is all I need. For me, I have tried to fill that spot with other things such as food, friendships, etc but the only one who can fill that place that is seeking to be filled is God alone! Even though I know the answer to sadness and depression what I can tell you my siestas is that of how much I need the LORD in every area of my life. Today, I am desperate for him and that is where I want to stay. I never want to get to the place that I think that I don't need him. So, right now, I ask you to get alone with him and seek him and his ways. Does doing this make everything ok? I don't know. What I do know is that my God is enough. Whatever is going on in your indvidual lives I ask you that you continue to hold on to our Father's hand. We may not know where we are going but thank his name we know who is holding our hand!

What is eating you?

I am sitting in my recliner and just overcome with so many emotions. Big suprise? Not really for those who know me. But something that I want to express right now is my focus on following God in every area. That may sound simple but I want every area under his control. Something that I am learning over and over again is that God is simply just calling me to just trust him. There are unspoken needs that we have but for me I have chosen to try to fill up those needs with food. Going to it to fill me up than God is so wrong and by doing so it has caused me to be a pit of being over-weight. So is there a simply answer to this? I first thought no but after doing some praying what my desire is to let God guide me what to eat, do, etc. That is what its all about anyway. His word says that whatever you do let it be to his glory.
That word hit me right between the eyes. Whatever I do should bring him glory! So right now I lay all of this at his feet. I am asking him to fill me up and not anything else.
This is my journey and my purpose of saying these words are not for anyone to feel sorry for me for this is something I caused myself. I want to be real and honest about my struggle. So second by second I am going to trust him.
I love you all!

Seeking Him

Today my heart is filled with so many emotions. Big suprise here? No not really.
Today all I want to do is to just focus on my Father alone. So often for me I get so focused on me, me, and me again. But don't we all? So right now I ask you to just baske in his presence. So that is what I am doing today. There is a song that I listened to this morning and its called I seek you.
He is calling my name . The WORD says that if we would seek him that he would give me the desires of my heart. So, today my desire is that my heart would be his desires would be mine. Even though our days are busy with things what God is calling me is to slow down and just sit in his presence and let him meet every need.

The more I seek you
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you
I want to sit at your feet drink from your cup in you hand, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep its more than I can I stand
I melt into your peace its overwhelming

Pics of the house!!!

Are we grown up yet?

I have been living in my new home for about two weeks now and there have been so many different emotions as I enter into a new journey not just with myself but more than that what the LORD is doing in me. I have always prided myself in my independence but that thought is something that God is really working in me about making me so depenedent upon him. For some it may be a good thing to be indepenedent but I am learning that i have been using it as some sort of security. I began this morning a bible study by Priscilla Shrier called He speaks to me. Something that hit me right between the eyes is that my relationship with GOD is based on itimacy of course but I should come before him like a child. What does this mean you ask? Think on this.. When you were a child no matter of the type of parents you may have you knew somehow that your needs would be met and you expected them to be. Well something that Priscilla asks is that how we are with God? So often, Sad to say no for me. I try to do everything on my own and I forget that my Father wants to meet my needs, he finds great pleasure in it. It may seem simple to some but to me I want to be like a child and hear from my daddy. So.. What I am going to do is this: Depend on God for everything. Be honest with him even with the big and small things. Trust him. No matter what is going on around me just trust him. That is what he is calling me to do. Trust him. Is this easy? No way, but this is where our faith comes in. Realize that I can't doing this alone. This has been where God is really teaching me. If not careful, I will seclude myself from my family and friends because I think I can do it alone. Well, sista let me tell you that is not how we were created. He wants us to depend on him and he gives others in our lives to love and be encouraged by. Finally, Expect that I will be taken care of. Not just the big things but the small things as well.
That is my heart today. Just listen to him. Hold on to his hand no matter what you are going through. He is there. He loves you, You are his child.

Luke 18:16
Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of GOd belongs to such as these.

What is your heart like?

It has been awhile since I have blogged but things have been busy in my world. I signed on my house last Monday and things have been very busy. I had a procedure that all looks well so far.
I am now sitting in my new home in my recliner and feel so blessed. God is so good. I admit that I never thought that this day would come but I am so thankful that he is so wonderful and giving me much more than I deserve.
No matter what happens in life, I thank God that he is faithful. I have many thoughts going on in my mind but something that I would like you all to consider is your relationship with Christ. I don't mean if you are saved and I pray you are. If not careful, as Christians we pray and do our bible study but I ask you what is your motive? Are you doing it to say I did it and mark it off the list? What I would challenge you today is to just think and mediate upon the relationship with him. What I think is so awesome is that I have a relationship with the most high. Can you get your mind around that thought? The walk with Christ is not about what you do and what you don't do but its more based in your relationship with him. Do you spend time itimately in his presence? Take a breath and realize that the GOD of the universe wants to just spend time with you. All he requires of us who are his own to just give him the room that he deserves. I am learning what rooms I have used up instead of allowing God to take those rooms. What I mean by rooms are those hidden areas that no one knows about but God. I am in a reflective mood today for all that God has done for me. So right now, just reflect on him. Let him fill you up. He is God!
Nehemiah 4:5
Then I said: O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands.

The Shack

So many changes that God has been doing within me and I want to really express my heart. My journey over the last few years for me has been just being real. But its more than that. I want to be real and honest before my God. I have had some struggles like we all have and something that I know in my very being of who my GOD is. He shows me who he is by being my all in all. He is my everything. He shows me himself as I seek to be all he wants me to be. To say that I am there would be so wrong.
Something that I want to say is about having a shack. No my house won't be a shack but God is delievering me from the shack of my past. There were things that I have allowed to rule me from my past but something God is teaching me again and again that he has always been there. But I ask you my friends are you living in the Shack of your past. We have true freedom and a eternal beautiful home in the Father. I no longer have to live in that Shack because the shack has been paid off. I have eternal life through Jesus Christ the Son. Oh what a freedom!!!
Finally, I will have the closing on my house this Friday and I am so overcome. The thing is that God has opened so many doors literally for this house. I desire that anyone who enters my home know who my heavenly Father is. I desire that all I do and say would bring him honor. I am so blessed in all that God has given me.
I love you all. What house are you living in?

July 13, 2008

I am in the midst of great changes and its a scary thing. At this stage in my life, I just want it to be real. I just want to be honest before you my sistas and others who may read this blog. Life is hard but at the end of it all GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD. I may not understand why things happen but I will say this until I say my last breath that I can always trust his heart. Just because God has been good to me does not mean I don't have struggles. In times past, I thought that i had to understand why things are happening but something that I am learning during this stage of my life is that All things are for his good. So all these struggles that we are enduring are for his glory. If the hardships or the struggles will bring glory to my LORD, how awesome is that? That God would choose to use me for his glory? I am not worthy but I thank him that he chooses to use me. There are people that i have met on this journey of the blog who have made a difference. I thank you all. I am proud to call you sistas as we all are on this journey together.
I am on the 4th week of the Bible Study by Kelly Minter and something last night really hit my heart. It was talking about Rachel and Leah and what happened when they looked for love instead in the LORD. Rachel had to see her sister have children with her husband who she loved and Leah knew she wasn't loved yet she did all she could to to loved. So often we look to things, people, money, food to fill that hole that only Christ wants to have. So the focus of my life right now is being honest and real. By doing so, I am asking God to bring to light any and all areas that are not under his lordship. I want him to fill me. I don't want to go to anyone but him to fill me. When I go to others or whatever I have chosen to fill me all it does is leave me empty. So sistas I just ask you to ask those hard questions who is really meeting your needs? Who is your comfort? These are the same questions that i am asking myself. The desire of my heart is to know Christ more itimately today than yesterday. I count it a privalege to be on this journey with you all.
I love ya.

July 4th

The past few weeks have been some of the hardest times for me but it has been a time of renewal and to be reminded what this journey is all about.
I don't really want to go into specifics because there really is not the need to do so but my purpose is to lift up the LORD in my life. There have been struggles and questions that I am enduring right now but God has been so good. He has sent me sistas on the blog that have been so wonderful. We may have different experiences and issues we are going through but what unites us is not that we are woman but its whose we are. We have prayed, cried, and just are learning more about God and that is so awesome. We are learning what idols are and there are times of walking through the mud. But when God reveals himself to his children, how great is that.
Last week I was at the Deeper Still Blog and it was great! God really revealed himself to me. Everyone was great but what ignited in me is my time with God. Its just not something you cross off the list but this is where God really wants to meet me. Oh, I have done my quiet time for years but there was a renewal in what I feel God wants to teach to me.
So tonight, I leave you this. Whatever the struggle or heartache. Our God is there. He is the lifter of our heads. Beyond that, lets just worship him, glorify him... We are in a battle and Satan thinks that he will win. He may for a time but our LORD is coming back, who knows that when that will be. So girls.. Lets get ready. Be on guard and aware of what God has called you to be.
Happy 4th..
Look at this video. It will bless your heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

June 23rd.. Reflections

Good morning to all. I pray that everyone is doing well.
Things are good and I am just in the mood of reflection. God has done so much in me and I just am praising him today. There have been struggles but looking back I can see God in so many areas. God continues to show me himself not just in his WORD but he is there. I just started a bible study called No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. I just finished week #1 and there is something that I can't just get out of my mind. It talks about false idols. What hit my heart this week was that I may be worshipping God but I am serving my idol when anything comes before God. Those things can be classifed as good but it still an idol. It can be from helping others, church, etc but if those things is what I love and treasure more than God then its a idol. This has caused a time of reflection and I am so thankful for what God will be doing within me. Change is not easy but becoming what God has called me to be is what I want. The desire of my heart is to be all he wants me to be.
Have a wonderful day.

What to say

Good morning to all. It has been a few weeks since my last post but things have been busy. I am working on moving into my 1st home. I close on the house on June 27th. I am so thankful to God for it. It is beautiful and I thank him for all of his blessings that he bestows each and every day.
I pray this finds you all well. Praying a special prayer to you all today.
Right here and now I just am focusing on him. He is so worthy of our praise.


My praise to you...
As I awoke this morning the first thing I thought was you.
Your peace that you give is something beyond anything I have ever know.
Your love, your peace, your joy is so wonderful to me.
I love you, I praise you. You are worthy of all the praise.

May 31st

Good evening to all.
This past month has been difficult due to my grandma health but things are looking up. That is not my purpose of the post today. Today I want to just praise my God for all that he has done. Even though life is hard and has struggles I am aware of how good God is to me. He bestows blessings not by things he gives but just who my God is. I am just so beyond words of God's blessings to me.
Focus on these words.
Lord you are more precious than silver
Lord you are more precious than gold
Lord you are higher than the highest
All that I desire is you.

May 16, 2008

This has been a week! Just when my energy is zapped the LORD sustains me as only he can.
My grandma has been really sick this past week after having surgery last weekend. It was a touch and go situation this week but looks now that she is on the mend.
In life, we all have things that seem overwhelming and so difficult to understand but what I do know is that my GOD is faithfull. He is all I need or ever want. The desire of my heart is to be what he wants me to be. What I do know is that I love my GOD so much. He is everything to me. So as I go to bed now just being so thankful for my LORD and Saviour. Tears are flowing because I am reminded time and time again of his great love for me. I don't understand it sometimes but I am so thankful that I am his forever.
Have a blessed night and weekend.
Laura

Happy Mothers Day!!

Happy Mothers Day!!
Memories fill my heart today on a day like this.
I also want to remember those who have gone on to heaven who we think about today. They may be our grandmothers, our mothers, or aunts but they are so special to each of us. For me, I am so thankful for the women in my life such as my mother, my grandmother, and my special " aunts". You know who you are.
So tonight I leave you to consider those who have made a difference in your life such as family and friends but for me Jesus has made the biggest change in my life. He saved me from the pit into freedom. There are times that I forget what he has brought me from but consider this Praise God to what he has brought you too if you have called upon him. His mercy and faithfulness is never ending.
Love,
Laura

National Day of Prayer.. May 1, 2008

2008 Prayer for Our Nation

Dr. Ravi Zacharias
2008 Honorary Chairman, National Day of Prayer Task Force



Holy Father, in a world where so many are hungry,
You have given us food in abundance;

In a world where so many are hurting,
You offer to bind up our wounds;

In a world where so many are lonely,
You offer friendship to every heart;

In a world longing for peace,
You offer hope.

Yet, we are so stubborn and resistant.
Have mercy upon us, Lord.

Our nation is at a crossroads this year;
we look to you to be our strength and shield.

Please give us the guidance to elect one who will honor you
and to respond to the wisdom from above
so that our hope may be renewed and our blessings be treasured.

In God's holy name.

April 27th

Hello my sweets..
Hope this finds you all