Freedom

I have not posted in a week cause I did not know really want to say. My heart is really how can I say this CHANGE. Not just loosing my grandaddy but he is doing a thing in me that I hope that I can properly say. Saying goodbye is so hard for me. I know that I will see my grandaddy again for he professed his faith in Christ. I remember when I was a little girl when I would leave Lake City of where I live now to my home in Ft Myers when I was growing up that I would cry and cry cause I did not want to go home. Those emotions are better now I guess but at the base of feeling overwhelmed when I say good-bye is that at the cruxt of it I feel like I have been left behind. That is how I felt as a little girl and some of those emotions enter my heart on days like when I have to say good-bye. But GOD has been speaking to my heart is that he has NEVER left me, he will never disappoint me. So why do I think that I feel so left behind at times? It is because sometimes I put GOD into a box that he has never been in. He is s much bigger than I can even comprehend!! That oh my friend is what I am thanking him for!
My physical freedom by being an American is so awesome but my eternal freedom that GOD paid the price by his death of CHRIST and his resurrection to give us new life!!

My all in all

Something that has been on my heart today and over the last few weeks is about total TRUST. Something of like a theme right now in my life. I have had some major changes in my life over the last few years. Those things could have shaken me to the core but instead they have totally redefined my relationship with CHRIST. That may seem weird or strange to some but in those times of desperation and when i totally have no idea in what to do are some of the sweetest time between the LORD and I. That is where I am at right now. Having those days that I would rather take the sheets and cover my head up and don't come out but life goes on. Right now I really can't see my way right now but I do know who is leading my way. He is doing so much in my life right now that its beyond me. He is teaching me not to just trust in him but to just trust him.
Ok, don't think that I am all that to come up with that but its in Praying God's WORD by Beth Moore. When I read this again and heard it, it so resonated with my heart.
For me, I just want to trust him. Not for what he does but just for who he is.
It says it best in Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.
This is something that I memorized long ago but its something that I am really mediating on right now. My own thinking can get me into so much trouble. I can think that something is what it is when its not that way at all. If I allow Satan to do so,I can go into a deep depression and so on. But acknowledging him is more than knowing him but really realizing that its GOD and his ways are best. He guides me when I don't see or understand the way.
My prayer would be that he would totally again change my mindset. What I think about I want to be about him. Again, God's work in me is never finished. I am thankful for that.
I have spent so much time on my knees over the last week or so because of pain in my heart but GOD is tenderly healing me. Now it will take time but I am thankful for his tender and compassion in me. Thorugh it, I am made strong as I daily depend on him.
The words ALL IN ALL as written by Dennis Jernigan come to my heart tonight...
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I get dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

I have thought over the last week of so many things. The grief that my family have experienced due to my grandfather's death is vast. The emotions go from one spectrum to another. Our family will never be the same. It has left a hole there that nothing or no-one can fill and that is ok. Now I am at a place in my life again that I am unsure of what lies ahead. And again that is ok. What I do know is that GOD is right beside me no he resides within me! What I am most focused at this time in my life is that my response to them would be GOD honoring and not LAURA focused. So many times, all I do is think about me, me, and me again. I am so selfish in my thinking but I pray that the LORD would so change my mind.
For those who know me, know that I love music and its music that has ministered to me this past week. This song by Travis Cottrell and this song talks about GOD's presence. Its what I need, I need only him.

In your presence..
In your presence that where i am strong
In your presence oh LORD my GOD
In your presence that I belong
Seeking your face
Touching your face
In the cleft of the rock.
In your presence oh GOD.

I want to go where the rivers can't overflow me
where my feet on the rock
I want to hide where the raising fire can't burn me
In your presence oh GOD
In your presence that's where is where I am strong
In your presence, oh LORD, my GOD
In your presence, where I belong
Seeking your face, touching your grace, in the cleft of the rock.
In your presence oh GOD

Good-bye

Saying goodbye.. That is what this week has been. To say goodbye to my grandaddy is something that right now that I am still trying to process. You see, he has been such a HUGE part of my life and well to know that he is no longer here is so hard. I won't give those responses that I have heard over the last few days.. That he did not suffer and he is in a better place. I know those words and they are true but please hear my heart here.. I miss him and you know what that is OK. I am reminded of funny things he said, stories of him growing up, and so many things. I loved him more than I can say here or that I can express. HE is gone and I know that. But he is in heaven and that is something that my hope lies in.
I come from a very loving family of which I am so blessed to have. We love each other and that is a blessing. I think of my gma tonight. Tonight, as you read this please say a special prayer for her. I pray that the LORD would comfort her as only he can.
Something that the preacher said yesterday that I can't get out of my mind is letting go. Letting go of those hard-times and memories and hold on to the good. So often when we look back or are in pain all that we or I think about is those hard times. But tonight, I am thinking of all those good times. Those times that bring comfort to my heart. That is how GOD works.
So, now I bid you goodnight. Hold those you love dear and let them know of how much you love them. Sleep well, GOD bless.

My grandaddy

Today the words He is gone has been said more times than I care to count. My grandfather passed away this morning and well my emotions are beyond than I can really profess. I loved him and tonight some special memories are filling my heart. There is so much that I want to say but right now I am going to wait for that when my emotions are not so high but I want to say this... Tell your loved ones you love them and hold them close tonight. We are not promised of tomorrow. I know that I love much and tonight my heart hurts much too.
So I will say this.. Grandaddy, I love you and I know you know that. You can rest now.. No more pain for you are with Jesus now.

His plan!

Its Saturday night and I am sitting in my chair. So life is good. But there is something on my heart tonight. Its been almost a year since I have lived in my home. There are so many emotions that go along with it. It was such a journey to get here that getting here was so hard in so many ways. But I learned something about the LORD thorough this journey. He knows the master plan! I so hate that sometimes I don't see the big picture. Sometimes all I see is what is right in front of me. Right now, I am at a place of just daily just trusting him. Life is hard but I can testify this from the bottom of my heart that GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD. I can say this not just because of that the GOD knows what is best.
In all that I have dreamed about since I was a little girl, it would be that I would have a family with children. Well my life has not turned out that way. In my estimation, those who I love would have never died. However, this is the hand that has been dealt. Thorough these struggles, GOD has used them for me to really be desperate for him and his presence in my life. I can say with 100% assurance that my own issues and struggles brought me to my knees. I tried to fix things on my own and well I got no-where. But when I came to the end of myself is when GOD so made a change in my life. That is why I praise him. For now I know and believe he is my everything. He is the MAIN THANG. If I never marry and don't have children its ok because GOD alone meets my needs. He is my everything. He is my Abba Father. I love him, I adore him.
When I can't see my way I can always trust his heart.
I am excited to what lies ahead, GOD has things in store for me. What they are I have no idea. But I am thankful to be on this journey with him!

Here Again

Here I go again.. I am so tired of dealing with the same issue. Anxiety and feeling so overwhemed with things of life. For the last two days, GOD is just proding me to just trust him. Been anxious and just wanting to get some things straight in my mind but not even consulting the LORD. Just trying to steam road ahead, now with that I am not getting too far.
So again, the LORD pulls me in and its so out of his great love for me.

My scripture memory verse for the next two weeks are this:
Micah 7:7 which says... But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD; I wait for GOD my Saviour; my GOD will hear me.

So again I just place my 100% faith and trust in him. Its not as easy as it sounds. It is laying aside my own needs and just simply trusting him. Loving him and laying all this at his feet. My GOD hears my cry even though he doesn't answer like I like. He doesn't have to answer what I want, he knows so much better than me. So right now I baske in his presence and thanking him that he knows me better than I know my self. I love him, I adore him. He is mine forever.