A new year

Well its about 1/2 way thorough the 1st month of 2015! I just can't believe it! Life sure is going fast. I've been thinking about something that my pastor said to us last week at church when talking about the end of 2014 and looking ahead. Was 2014 about me or serving others? Well to be honest it was really about me. It was about grief and holding on to that pain. Holding on to grief brings me comfort. Sounds kinda comforting because holding on to that pain is much easier than letting go of that pain and going on to what GOD wants me to do. The reason I've held on to the grief is that I don't ever want to forget my mom. I know I never could. I realize that thorough some prayer and some soul-searching that I have been mad at GOD. Why did my mom have to suffer? Why gets you no-where. Then last night it hit me that nothing happens to me as a child of GOD without it going thru GOD 1st. And that hurts. Then the reality of the gospel hits me right in the heart. Who do I think that I am that I shouldn't have to go thorough pain and suffering? Some that I love have suffered and are suffering. GOD never said that there would be no pain or suffering. When in fact he said there would be pain and suffering. So over the last week or so, my prayer has been that he'd use this pain for his honor and glory. Then on January 1st a dear friend of mine passed away. She was like a mom to me. She is healed of that I know. Yet my heart was broken. It still is. Its hard to say goodbye but I know it won't be forever. I don't want to live my life about the pain but I desire to press on to what GOD has called me to do and be. What that is for 2015 I have no idea but I do know that he is faithful if I seek him and his ways. I desire for this year to be about others and not Laura. I want to be a better friend, daughter, sister, girl-friend and all the titles that I am about. But more than anything, I just want my life to be about GOD and serving those in my life he has called me to love and serve. Loving others isn't easy somtimes. It reveals in my heart how selfish that I really am. I am a sinner saved by his grace. So here I am on this road with my heavenly Father. Where he will lead me this year i don't know but thankful he's guiding me and holding me in the palm of his hand.