Its been a while

I haven't blogged since Jan of this year. And I know why...I've been holding off having that conversation with the LORD. I've been holding on to things he never designed for me too. So here I go LORD. I've been holding on to the pain of not just loosing Mom but just so focused on the pain. I have so many things that I wish I didn't deal with..And there lies the problem. Its not my place to hold on to these things or to even think its my place carry this burden. The LORD has really been dealing with me and talking with me of what I really believe and what truths I've been following. Sad to say, I'm learning that I may know in my head what the truth is  but my actions and my reactions show a totally different thing. So my prayer is that the LORD would put to death those untruths in my heart. That I would believe that 1st of all that he loves me. Often i tell him in my quiet time or in prayer that I love him. Sometimes I think that the basis of this relationship is up to me...But well girl-friend that is so not true! He loved me 1st and he has gone to great lengths to show his love for me...So, LORD you love me. You love me. You love Laura. A girl who has chosen the hard way sometimes. The girl who trusts in herself in what she can do and puts a guard up so no one can get in. Yet LORD over the last few years that guard or wall has been taken down. Its too much work to hold it up and I should never held it up anyway. You are doing alot in my heart right now. Its so much that I don't even know what to say...But LORD, you love me. Thank you for loving me.