Peace

#Peace. That is my word for this week in my bible study with Made to Crave. And to be honest, this week has been a hard one. I’ve been trying to get peace in my life for a long time. I never had a best friend per say( many good friends but not a real best friend). I always wanted that.  I always felt that I had to work for my parents to love me. My mom loved me but she had a hard time showing me that she loved me because of her own issues.   I always worked hard because I wanted to matter. I thought that if I just achieved something that my family would love me.  I did all this well until a few years ago when life just fell down. I couldn’t fake it anymore. I had to deal with the things of my past. And that has been so hard. So in my grief and pain of trying to deal with things I just put on the mask and carried on. Then in May 11, 2013 my mom passed away.  And all that I was holding on passed with her. I couldn’t act like everything was ok. I couldn’t laugh my way through another hard situation. The pain of my childhood of abuse and just total rough stuff I couldn’t stuff down. The longer you stuff it down it will bring its ugly head up and that is just what happened. However thorough bible study and counseling GOD is healing me. Then this bible study called Made to Crave came about and I started it a few weeks ago. I thought that “ I” had handled things but again the LORD showed me that he had some more work to do in my heart. So here I am before you. I just want peace. Peace from the pain of trying to fix things. Peace just from the hardships of life and learning how to accept them as they are. So this week, GOD has done something totally awesome in my life. Again I laid my eating, food consumption, going to others for comfort when that should be GOD’s place at his feet. I was on my face and just gave it to him. I wrote down every pain, every hurt that I was holding on to. And I burned them. Jesus Christ has paid the debt of every sin and I have no right to hold on to it anymore. No more faking it but being real with those who can be trusted and more importantly my LORD Jesus, my Abba Daddy. So yes peace is worth it. Peace of just knowing who is really in control of every aspect of my life. For me, peace is knowing that nothing tastes as good as peace is. My feelings or emotions may change but my GOD and his love for me is forever.  I desire to loose weight however my ultimate goal is to be closer to GOD every day than the day before….Also, Thank you to my FB group#44 for your love and support on this journey to being whole and healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Oh praise the name of the LORD.  

Isaiah 45:3, “ And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness—secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.