February 15, 2014
Its pity party time!
I love parties! I really do...but this pity party not so much. My mom always said that when I had a pity party it was time to get off the pot! No one ever comes to the pity party and if they do more entanglement comes and more pain...This week has been one for me full of emotional drama. I just had a plain pity party for several days. I stayed on my plan for most of those days but i just cried, was upset cause i was just tired of dealing with this issue with food. In my mind I was like ok I have been thorough harder things than this? I mean? I overcame abuse of my childhood, rejection of friends and family, and the list goes on and on. I just thought of all the things that had happened to me in my life and especially the homegoing of my mama. I have been plain mad about it. I still don't understand it. I know that all things that happen GOD does use for my good. I have been trying to fix things in my own strength...and you know what happens, just plain ugly and a mess! I even had thought this week of why the struggle and why do i continue like this. To be honest, I had some thoughts of just ending it all. I've been tired of it. Tired of holding on to this weight of going to good than GOD. Tired of trying to control things that GOD never intended me to try to control. The issue of control has been something that GOD has been trying to get my attention on for some time. Like years and well this week I was just on my face when I couldn't go any furthur. I was honest with the LORD of where I am at. And what peace when I just let go. The truth is this...that GOD loves me just as i am but he doesn't want me to stay in this pit that i'm in. I'm learning that I've been trying to control things using my own strength and i know that is not GOD's plan. So again i place my hand in his hand. I know that I can't do this without him. I can't follow a plan to loose the weight and be where GOD wants me to be. I must follow GOD and let him guide what I do. I'm on a journey of eating healthy and what Satan would like to use to destroy me won't...for GOD is using this for my good and his glory.
Proverbs 3: 5-6, " Trust in the LORD with all your heart, Laura, and lean not on your own understanding( knowledge or even think you know what to do, don't trust knowledge but trust HIM), in all your ways( in everything,( or as Thelma Wells says it EVERY-THANG!)ACKNOWLEDGE( make it known who is in charge and in control and it aint you), HIM AND HE SHALL DIRECT YOUR PATHS"
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing your heart. I know how losing your Mom makes it hard. I gained weight last year when I lost Mom and haven't gotten it off yet, but like you with this study we can do it. Debbie W. (OBS Team Leader)
Amen Laura!! We are such creatures of habit, and it's sooo easy to go back and do things the old way. The enemy loves when we do that. Rising up in the strength and love our Heavenly Father provides is the only way to climb up, out and away from the pit. I like to mentally picture myself looking back at that pit and the enemy on his knees in tears as I say 'na na na na....na na na na, hey, hey, good-bye!!" Then I look for the light and keep walking with my eyes fixed on our Father!! And you know what Laura, I bet you are doing so much better than you think you are. Look at your accomplishments no matter how small or big they are. You're here, you have a purpose and this blog post is proof of that purpose. Sister, your post was vulnerable and heart felt and you are not alone!! Thanks for sharing your heart my friend!! Thankful to be on this journey with you!!
Trish (P31 OBS Blog Hop Team)
Lady, you know you are loved unconditionally by our group 44 ladies, and especially by me. And I know you are going to keep on doing this and it is going to bring you peace. I have to say that I admire how strong you have been through all of this and how much you are leading the rest of us this time! YOU HAVE THIS!!! And God has you! :) Remember that and that we have your back too. HUGS MY FRIEND! You know Tanya and Bethany are not that far away, so next time you are feeling low, talk to us ok? We love you! :) Mary and the ladies of 44 :)
"I was honest with the LORD of where I am at." - this is such a powerful statement that you wrote and it really does make all the difference in our journey. Honesty with God, even though He already knows, opens up our hearts for His strength & peace rather then keeping them closed for the enemy to grow doubt & shame. Good job taking this victory step for God can work in an honest heart :)
Katrina Wylie (OBS small group leader)
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