At a place

I am at a place in my life right now that is in between. Just stay with me if you want to. First of all, let me say I know that not alot of people read this blog of mine but I do so as my journal of my journey with the LORD. I read alot of blogs and they encourage me and yet if I keep my eyes on other people's journey I get discouraged. So, I have my focus today on what GOD wants me to know. I have gotten up for the last week like 3-4am. Couldn't go back to sleep. I worried on why and I just got busy doing things that I thought needed to be done. I did not even think that GOD was wanting to speak to me. Now later on I did have my quiet time but I firmly believe now that GOD just wanted to talk with me. Now i know that I am nothing special but I am GOD's child and he just wanted me to know of how much I am loved. I have been feeling out of sorts lately due to some issues in my life. I have continued to pray, seek his face, and yet not quite hearing from him as I would like. Then in my spirit this morning.. GOD again said to me. Just trust me. Let me work it out. Again I say OK LORD. Here I am listening even if that means I need to say nothing. Then I got an email from someone that said this...This afternoon I was doing some of my week six homework in Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman, and something Beth wrote really resonated with me: "Glance over at your Bible. Think what you've been through with God in those pages....Think of the hope, guidance, assurance and affection you've sought. Think how thankful you are that God wrote something you can hold to your chest, rocking back and forth, when your heart is shattered and your sight too blurred to read. Every Bible is the Word of God, but with no ears to hear it, hearts to love it, or hands to warm themselves by the fire of it, man is tragically lost to it." I underlined every single bit of that in my member book. Just so you know.
Here's the thing. This morning I woke up with a heavy heart, and as I was making coffee and getting breakfast ready, I told God how I was feeling. I didn't ask Him to make all my troubles disappear; I just told Him that I was feeling discouraged and needed to remember how much He loves me. Needed to feel how much He loves me, even. It may sound a little crazy, but I really wished that there was a way for God to give me a big ole hug. Anyway, just a few hours later, I was in a chapel service still dealing with the heart heaviness - when someone read Psalm 86:11-13: "Teach me your way, O LORD,and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave." And then Jeremiah 32:38-41:
"They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul." I try to be careful that I don't assign more meaning to things than they deserve, but let me tell you: I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that those passages were for me. They were for other people, too, of course - but I felt like God used His Word to give me a big ole hug. He's sweet like that, you know. So when I read Beth's reminder that God gives us "hope, guidance, assurance, and affection" on the pages of His Word - well, I may have amen'd a little. Because I know it's true.

THIS IS WHAT I SO NEEDED TO HEAR TODAY.. GOD HAS NOT LEFT ME, HE LOVES ME SO VERY MUCH, AND THIS MORNING LIKE THIS EMAIL SAID I FELT A HUG, A AFFECTION FROM MY HEAVENLY FATHER, MY ABBA DADDY, AND THAT IS A WONDERFUL THANG!