Tearing it down!

This is my 151st post! I was excited to even see this! I have spent some time reading over my last posts and well some of the things that I have been struggling with well I still am. But what is different is that I know my GOD in a way that well I never knew was possible!
In my life, there is so much that well GOD is doing. He wants me to get this lesson.. just trust him. Not what I can see but who I know him to be. HE is GOD, ok? He does not need me to define him.. his box is bigger than I can even describe. He is awesome. HE is bigger than I can ever comprehend. But what I do know that he is my Redeemer. He is doing so much. Even though he is doing some things.. I am still struggling with just letting some things go however GOD really wants me to learn this lesson. To just believe him. I say that I trust him but lately my actions have not been saying that. When I freak out instead of trust it tells GOD of who I have been trusting him and it hasn't been in my GOD. For that, it truely saddens me. I want to be different. I just can't go like this anymore and the LORD again is like DUH. He wants me to get the lesson that my total 100% devotion is to be in him, my dependence is in not in Laura but in him.
He is bigger than I can saying. I am believing GOD. I am having his word so in me. By speaking the word.. he is tearing down walls that I never thought was possible to be torn down.
I again place my hand in his. Holding on. Never letting go. Keeping my eyes and heart upon him. In his lovely presence, don't ever want to leave.